I like thats it short.But tells a story without anything long
June 18th, 2011 at 05:22am
Pre-write contest review:
I disagree with the comment above me whole-heartedly. I did like this story.
Layout:
When I first saw the layout, I kind of got excited for the story, even thought it isn't bright or glamorous. It matches with the feeling the story gives me, I think. Very hazy and kind of like I'm not really remembering things, but I knew it would be short and sweet. That's why I thought the title was perfect, as well.
Grammar & spelling:
Nothing that I could see, but in chapter two you did say, "It all came much to naturally," and it should be "too". That was it, though.
Content:
I loved how simple this was, and the pattern it held. It was simple, but got the point across. The feeling I got from this was kind of a numb feeling, like she was looking back at these memories not necessarily indifferently, but like it was just a fact, a simple fact of the past. I think my favorite line was: Whenever I try to think of it my mind draws a blank. A hungry stomach kind of empty. Nothingness. I liked the analogy you used.
This story should have more comments, honestly. It was very well-written. <3 Good luck in the contest!
