Tenterhooks - Comments

I loved this! It held so much meaning! Really good job :)

I really liked this! I thought the opening was brilliant and really gripped the reader. I loved your choice of language and thought the flow of the piece worked well. I noticed a few typos, but other than that I couldn't find anything wrong, and I can't say anything that Unpretty hasn't said! Well done!

Title: I can't see it's relevance to the story, but I do like it. It's intriguing and sounds nice in my mind. Tender Hooks. Rolls off the tongue easily.

Layout: I actually love the layout. Rarely do layouts with pictures in the background work out, but you've managed to pull it off. The hands don't get in way of the words at all, and they help along with the atmosphere of the story. Just the photo makes me want to go on reading.

Summary: Simple, but effective. It hints at what the story is about without giving too much away. Nice.

Content:
The opening scene, I feel, is an awesome attention grabber. It starts with a simple question that throws the reader right into the drama of it all, leaving them dying to find out more: What is wrong with Pete?

Patrick said, spreading his arms like surrender. I'm not sure if this was intentional or a typo. Perhaps you meant "spreading his arms in surrender"?

In the second paragraph, when Pete first speaks, don't put a comma after his words. Put a period.

He thought of walking over to Patrick but that would make it look as though he had something to say, and he didn’t, he really didn’t. I think you should reword to make this say "He thought of walking over to Patrick, but that might make it look as he had something to say. And he didn't, he really didn't." I think it would flow better when reading. You had a lot of commas.

I love the comparison between Patrick and a magnet.

I love this line: Sometimes good things have bad consequences. Like really. I love, love it a lot. Kudos on writing one of my newly found favorite one-liners.

Pete hadn’t been shouting but not Patrick was. I believe you meant 'now' in lieu of 'not'.

Because Patrick was first and foremost his friend but also all those other things that Patrick was to Pete, all those things Pete was to Patrick and it all seemed very complicated from where Pete was standing. I enjoy this explanation of it.

The ending is good. It leaves an air of mystery and the reader has to conclude his or herself what truly happened.

Overall: I give this story five of five stars. It's short, to the point, filled with emotion, and your writing was fantastic. Seriously. There wasn't much of anything I didn't like about it.

:)