The Face for Main Street - Comments

I really like your layout, it matches the story theme you've got going on. The first sentence warranted my attention but I'm not sure on how you described the girl. I know you're describing her using metaphorical terms but I'm honestly not a fan of how you're saying she was a sweatshirt, it sounds kind of..odd? But it is up to you.

"I took a step toward the old looking bus stop bench that her thin body lay pressed against." This sentence doesn't quite flow smoothly, maybe it could be rephrased as "I took a step towards the bus top, where her thin body laid on the old bench."

But you definitely have a knack for capturing detail and you describe things very well! Well done!

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hey :) I think this is great- it's really orginal and kind of mysterious. The metaphors are really well chosen, and paint a clear picture in your head. I subscribed for sure :)
Also, the layout is really cool :D

I like this. It's honestly (to me) very original. :)
And I can't wait to read more :D

Oooo, I like this a lot :)

Okay the layout is creepy yo
But it fits with story. So bonus for that.
I applaud you for your use of metaphors and great depth of detail.
I love details, its refreshing from all that speech
That loads of stories.
Definitely an original idea, and im excited to see where you take this.

This is quite an original idea. I like it. =)
Let me just say that your summary instantly caught my attention, just like a good summary should.

The first chapter was absolutely marvelous!
Beautiful descriptions and emotions and a lovely attention to detail.
I could see the scene play out as I was reading.

And I love the introduction to Andy and Jakey.
Her protectiveness over him is so real, just like a big sister should be.
And he's written just as a little boy should be.
Some people have a hard time writing characters that are little kids. They're either too over-the-top, or not enough of a child. But you do it very well.

It's a very intriguing story, and an especially great first posting.
I'm definitely subscribing.

I really like this! Very original, I've never seen this idea fro a story before :D
I love your descriptions especially. Those are amazing.
Your writing style is also really great, I love how you construct your sentences.

Very original idea!
It's extremely interesting and definitely catches your attention.(:

Subscribing, for sure!

Definitely subscribing. Anticipating your next update ;)

This is a very interesting idea!
I love your writing style.
Your descriptions are flawless,
and I can't wait to read more! (:

This is really good! You're a very talented writer and I'm going to subscribe. :D