The Artist - Comments

Lovely layout, so simple and and easy to read, which is always a good start to a story. :)

“Just another stroke.” she whispers to herself... - so the speech shouldn't be in italics unless it's all being emphasised as the person says it, and the full stop should be a comma.

That was really cryptically beautiful. It works both ways, and I first read the whole thing as a painting, but the last part made me reconsider my previous thoughts. It must be difficult to have such a great piece of writing that conveys so much emotion and has such an impact on the reader. Really well done.

This is just...I don't even know if I've got the words for it. It's just really beautiful. Self-harm and suicide are such hard issues to write about too, but you've done it brilliantly. I love how, even in such a short piece of writing, you were able to get across the character's struggle to achieve perfection. Very well written. :)

Beautiful. Truly, truly beautiful. I was thoroughly convinced she was an actual painter. The last paragraph shocked me. This was an amazing piece. The description, the... truth. People strive to be perfect, some go to extremes such as that, and I think you really grasped that idea very well. Thank you for sharing it and please, continue writing! You have a talent!

Okay, this was a very well-written engaging piece, and trust me, I'm not just saying that. It really is. But before I launch into a comment gushing about how amazing this is (which I'll do shortly x]), I just wanted to point out one tiny flaw.
“Just another stroke.” she whispers to herself as she drags the utensil across the peach tinted canvas before her.
All commas and periods should be in the quotations, and there should only be a period if there's no tag like he said/she said afterwards. That was the only mistake that really stood out to me grammatical wise, but anyway, moving on. I admire her painstaking need for perfection, that she will not give up, I wish I was like that, seriously. I'm a perfectionist but if I fail several times, I don't keep on trying and trying, like she does. I wish I did, though. But anyway, I admit when I first read this, this confused the shit out of me. I'm like, "Why the fuck did she die?" The way how you ended this reminded me of Black Swan, at how Nina dies after finally being perfect. But after re-reading this like three times, I finally get it and it took me a while for the message to sink in, and when it did, it freaked the shit out of me. This was a very well-written piece that is very thought-provoking and I really like the analogy between art and suicide. Extremely freaky, and extremely true, if you think about it. Well done, I'm glad I read this. Seriously. You have true skill, dude! This was amazing, it was so short and you managed to convey such a powerful thing in under 200 words, I'm jealous! Well done, again! <33

I think it was really nice. The story was short and simple, but it was enjoyable, and well written.

I'm not sure if it's really my kind of story though, but it was very nice. You're a really great writer!

I'm going to try to do more than keysmash on this but oh my god asdfghjkl.
It totally freaked me out, and I just loved how it's so short and just so clever and how you don't find out what it means until the end. I have to agree with turducken. about the "she has attempted before" part - it was just so asdfghjkl and when it clicks it's just perfect.

It took me a few times reading it, but I finally got it. Wow. I'm speechless. It's.. Wow. It's good. Like, good.

This was completely morbid and I loved it.
Till the last paragraph or so I was fooled into thinking she was actually painting- then the apparent avoidence of what was being made and what it was being made with.
It's a wonderful piece really.

Absolutely wonderful work! I actually had to go back and read it again because I got so caught up in the descriptions and imagry and didn't realize what was going on at the end. The part about the hollow metal sound threw me off a bit the first time, but the second, I finally clued in. This was brilliant, I can't really think of anything to suggest for it.

This is lovely.

I loved it. I was totally set into a girl painting on a canvas, I got to the end and I was completely lost. I had to re read to figure it out. Open my mind to different topics haha. Guess you can't know ahead on what you read. People like throwing twists. I love it!

I loved it. I was totally set into a girl painting on a canvas, I got to the end and I was completely lost. I had to re read to figure it out. Open my mind to different topics haha. Guess you can't know ahead on what you read. People like throwing twists. I love it!

"You've Already Written It!" Picture Contest

Praise: I like it, I really do! I like the way you captured the artist painting her piece...it was very original and very good.

Critique: The ending was a little confusing, but I finally got it. ;)

It not very long =)
I still found it awesome though.
For as short as it was, it still brought alot of emotion into play, which I love in any story, regardless of length.

My muscles actually tensed up during this part:
"Suddenly, her wrist stops moving and the utensil falls to the ground. The cold metal produces a hollow noise; just as hollow as her empty lungs. The artist has succeeded this time, her arms display her final work of art. "
It's quite powerful, for being so short.
Great work =)

Like the others before me, I agree with much of what they said.

For one thing, yes, the layout is rather difficult to read; there's barely any contrast of colors between the background and the text, making it quite difficult to read. I ended up having to put it in default layout just to read it properly.

As for the story itself, I really like how you wrote it out. When I first read it, I just saw it as another modern abstract artist, who decided to use a crimson red, but that could also have been blood. That was influenced by the title, though, but it works well with the drabble.
I had to reread it carefully a few times to realize what I think is actually happening, but I'm not going to say anything here.
At any rate, there's a lot of context and clues that lead up to the truth of what actually is happening, but you worded it in such a way that you can still hit the reader with a surprise. (Such as avoiding uses of certain words and being vague about things, like the word 'utensil' used, as well as adding detail everywhere else. Great use of wording to tell the story!)

I do have qualms about the exact definition of a drabble, which is a short work of fiction using exactly 100 words in length. Now, I'm not saying this is bad, because the term has often been loosely used to describe any work less than a thousand, but it just bothers me a bit. Don't mind me, though, I'm just like that. -.-

At any rate, I think this work is great. The description was just enough to express this point of view quite well without going overboard or accidentally giving to much away. However, most of the description given is, well, color. Remember that a drabble is to test how well you can express your ideas within extremely confined limits; does the color of her eyes have anything to do with your point here? That's what I think, anyways, and I'm no expert at writing, so I could be wrong.

Overall, I found this piece quite interesting. It was, as I said before, well written, (much better than I could have, lol. xD) and, like a drabble should, express a subject with an interesting point of view.
What's more, why an 'artist' would decide to do such a thing can be left to the imagination of the readers, which I like, as well. So, keep up the good work!

The text in the layout's a little hard to read just because it's dark grey against black, maybe even just going with a lighter grey would do a lot better.

I would just like to say that I absolutely adore this. At first I'm thinking she's just painting with red paint on a canvas and trying to make it look pretty, just some random chick. But then the ending totally got me. I was just like "WHAT!" but then re-read it and it totally makes awesome sense. I really really liked how cleverly you put that. The "she has attempted before" makes a lot more of an impact than before. Though, I think aquamarine instead of aqua coloured would flow a lot nicer, at least personally that's what I think. And you never really specify the utensil, which I think is really smart, like you don't give too much away so it's an awesome surprise at the end.

I really liked this, it's an interesting comparison that I've never seen before, but you show it in a light that makes a lot of sense. I really like this, for a drabble, it really had a lot of impact for how short it was. :D

Short and sweet. I like it.
It was very descriptive too and had emotion to it while the artist was trying to create the picture.
And when the artwork was done, I felt proud of the artist. :)
Very good story!

Though the layout is simple, its very pretty (: Though the text was a bit too hard to read, but that's my own thing aha.I was completely thinking of another thing. At first I was thinking she was an ordinary painter/artist but I was completely wrong. I loved your details, and the ending. It could've used just a tiny bit more descriptions but that's it (:
I am curious why she would do that to herself. Is something wrong? Is she depressed, suicidal?

Fabulous job <3

I understand the feeling being portrayed in this because I paint and that one moment of knowing that your work is done and it could not possibly be made better is amazing. The one thing I wish there was more of is detail. I know it's a drabble, but I feel like the story stops right at a point that is the perfect moment to describe the euphoria the young artist is feeling.

Regardless, I like this a lot :)

Oooooh!!! Ok so I love love love love the details!!! Wow that was great!
I'm confused though as to what her masterpeice is? Is it her death? Or did she actually acheive her masterpiece?? I don't get that part :P
the writing was delisciose though! I loved all the description, and you learn a lot about her character just from how hardly she's worked and how sure she is of herself. Good job!