Flower Child - Comments

honeyjoons (350)

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Age:: 31
Location:: United States

I loved this! It was short, yet magnificent. The layout really helped with the imagery of it all and tied it together well. I also loved how it was set to be in the late 60's. It was just great c:

December 30th, 2011 at 05:53am

k i w i (100)

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Age:: 28
Location:: United States

Contest

I love the layout. It goes perfectly with the picture.

Sorry my comment won't be as detailed as that one..

I really like the mood this created, like you could just float. It was very peaceful and cute and you represented the picture very well. I could picture Darla and John in that field and I like that it was set in the 60s, it adds an awesome and different kind of feel to to it. Great job! (}:

June 15th, 2011 at 04:33am

human. (100)

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Age:: 28
Location:: Great Britain (UK)

I first off really love the layout. It captures the whole tone of the story right from the start and creates a very wistful feel just by the choice of colours used.

I thought the use of a short sentence to open the drabble was very effective. It created that curiosity for the reader which is always important in first sentences but was still casual, which fit the rest of the story.

I love how lazy the next paragraph felt. It captured the emotions of the character in this hazy feel that often comes with summer. It was wistful and sweet and I felt as if I was daydreaming reading it.
There were a few small errors in the next paragraph, but they weren’t anything major.

He was looking at Darla with smile on his face.
There should’ve been an “a” between with and smile.

plucked up one the yellow flowers
This might just be me, but I think that should be ‘plucked up one of the yellow flowers’.
However, I thought this was very sweet and gentle. I like how although you don’t know the characters in great detail, there is still this sense of love carried throughout the writing.

The use of short paragraphs adds to the hazy effect. Personally, I feel the last sentence sticks out a bit and doesn’t really fit with the rest of the story. I would’ve left it at the paragraph before it.

Having said that, I thought it was very well written and had a beautifully tender feel and certainly reminded me of summer love.

June 14th, 2011 at 08:04pm