I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About it contest.
I think this is a really interesting concept for a story. I was hoping for a little bit more information within the chapter, based on the summary, but what you did include was still interesting. I thought the amnesia bit was a unique twist on the ghost plot line, and added a really cool element of mystery to the story overall. The fact that the character had to help everyone else figure out things about their "living life" but she didn't have any idea about hers was a unique concept.
I would have loved to see more development in the story, though. Like I said, from the summary I was hoping for more explanation of what was going on. Even so, more character and setting development in this first chapter would have helped really capture my attention. We know the basics about what's going on, but I would have loved to see more emotions from the characters, or a different explanation of them other than just talking about how the guy was yelling. Adding some more description to the setting would have helped with that as well. Where the characters are and how the setting is effecting them can be a really powerful tool in helping the reader really dive into their lives.
I would also suggest having a read over the story and cleaning up some of the spelling and grammar issues throughout the story. Or even having an editor go through since we aren't always able to pick out all of the errors in our own work.
Overall, very interesting concept. Good job and thanks for entering!
I think this is a really interesting concept for a story. I was hoping for a little bit more information within the chapter, based on the summary, but what you did include was still interesting. I thought the amnesia bit was a unique twist on the ghost plot line, and added a really cool element of mystery to the story overall. The fact that the character had to help everyone else figure out things about their "living life" but she didn't have any idea about hers was a unique concept.
I would have loved to see more development in the story, though. Like I said, from the summary I was hoping for more explanation of what was going on. Even so, more character and setting development in this first chapter would have helped really capture my attention. We know the basics about what's going on, but I would have loved to see more emotions from the characters, or a different explanation of them other than just talking about how the guy was yelling. Adding some more description to the setting would have helped with that as well. Where the characters are and how the setting is effecting them can be a really powerful tool in helping the reader really dive into their lives.
I would also suggest having a read over the story and cleaning up some of the spelling and grammar issues throughout the story. Or even having an editor go through since we aren't always able to pick out all of the errors in our own work.
Overall, very interesting concept. Good job and thanks for entering!