I really liked this! You're very descriptive and I could visualize what was happening most of the time :)
June 26th, 2011 at 02:21am
This story is FANTASTIC. It can be related to, it has good personality showing through, and it pulls at the heart's strings. The only thing you really need is a summary on the story page. You don't have one when people click on your story, so it'll drive away a lot of potential readers. :) Other than that, good job!!
~ Angel 3