A Genuine Understanding - Comments

I like this a lot! It should definitely be a story!

Just to get the negative part of my comment out of the way, I did notice some grammatical errors here and there. They didn't particularly distract me from the story, but they were still present here and there, so I just felt the need to state that. There was also a bit of switching between past and present tense which interrupted the flow of the story a bit. Just be aware of these things. :)

One great thing I liked about your story was your vocabulary. You used a lot of words that I enjoyed seeing and reading, and I thought that your choice of words certainly added to my interest in the story.

This story had a very sad ending. Boo! However, despite being a happy ending lover, I'm certainly not going to let that stand in my way! The substance to the story and the actions and dialogue between the characters were quite lovely indeed.

Good job! Making this a story would be very interesting!

First of all, can I just say how much I love that you used the word "proverbial"? It's such a good word.

Second of all, that was so, incredibly sad. I figured there would be some sort of confrontation with whoever had tried to kill Arlene/Carmela, but I was definitely not expecting that. Poor Logan, he can't catch a break. All of his ladies seem to die or leave. I thought you began the story quite well. You didn't start with any sort of boring introduction and just immediately jumped into the story, which really draws a reader in. I noticed that you sometimes would switch between past tense and present tense, so just watch out for that.

I quite liked it and I think it would make a very interesting story (and perhaps, Carmela would not have to die and Logan can be happy).

You HAVE to turn this into a story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!