You're All Mine. - Comments

This is so good, but heartbreaking at the same time. </3

First off I have to say the layout and banner is brilliant. The banner gets across that dreamy feeling of someone taking you away, making you "their's". And I liked it very much.

The chapter itself was great as well. I like scenes and such that have an emotional shift. You did that very well, moving from star crossed lovers to a parasitic relationship that you want the heroine to get out off. You work's brilliant.

I love the sound of this!
In her eyes the boy is a nice and sweet boy, but obviously there is a twist!
Subbing! :)

I love the sound of this!
In her eyes the boy is a nice and sweet boy, but obviously there is a twist!
Subbing! :)

D:
Wah. She seems so cute and nice and small and fragile. It's totally not fair that this happened. I like how you really impress the contrast between them, how he's very masculine and commanding and just an overbearing individual in general and she's a lot more soft about everything. Too, how he sort of blends in like everyone else. I think that's really important, because it goes to show how while someone may be vile on the inside, they can seem like the most perfectly normal person ever.

I think that it has a lot of potential for a first chapter, and it definitely establishes their relationship to come. It's still sad, though!

I think this is a very interesting plot. Nicely written and good word flow.

So far this is wonderful. You are really good with description. I love how everything is explained from the start, it'll make it a lot less confusing later on. I have a few questions, but I'll have to wait for the story to continue because I'm sure they'll be answered then.
I like they layout. The darker background fits the story plot and the picture is very interesting.

It's great so far. (:

That was a well written story!(:

The descriptions you used and the chosen words you decided to put in their places really set the scene.

You mainly focused on the emotions of the girl, and it was quite nice. Almost like stepping in her place and staring at the boy she was gazing at.