August 3rd, 2011 at 07:21am
Judging of Round Two for The Underground Competition
Following Prompt 10/10
This was fantastic! I loved how you kept comparing drowning from how it really is to how people says it is. Personally, I think drowning would be the worst. I am a swimmer and I know what it feels like not being able to breathe, and it is absolutely terrible. You followed the first person present tense and you did not let her get out, so this was great. I also liked how you referred to the person's past and how she jumped and then went to her future. This was extremely good and I enjoyed every minute of it.
Grammar and Spelling 9/10
Few mistakes.
Neatness/Layout 9/10
The font was extremely small, it could be my computer but it was hard to read. Other than that I love the layout!
Originality 9/10
Very original, but I would've liked to see a little bit more. You did get in depth with her background and I appreciate it! Also very good details and descriptions.
Effort 5/5
+1 for a link to my profile? yes
+1 for talking about a bird? no
Total = 42 + 1 = 43 points
Your story, has to be... I think one of the first that I've actually laughed out loud at. I've chuckled a couple of times in other stories, but here, I really found myself laughing. And it was at the part where the narrator was describing the tranquility that others found in drowning - then said 'Whoever that person was must have had a few screws loose, because the last thing I feel right now is fucking tranquil.' I really loved that, I think from there, I found your story really fun to read and really easy to just understand the narrator. I was kind of listening intently and fixated on the descriptions of how the narrator felt.
At least in this story, you've shown me that you have a way with easily communicating to the reader. Very good, very detailed writing - fantastic piece :')