Red - Comments

or because there’s a giant cut on my face from when that bitch scratched me two nights ago. - I think maybe you could write that last part like or if it's because there's a giant...etc, for me, it sounds a little odd without another or if, I think maybe it's because it just reads as if there isn't the other or if put in there at all, and it's jumped right to a because

I could smell their suspicions radiating off their skin - with this sentence, 'their' is repeated, and I think it would be better if you changed the first 'their' to 'the,' because it'll still make loads of sense as to who 'they' are, and it won't have that slight repetition in a short amount of words.

for her every growing noisy - ever?

I settle with a reassuring smile and a nod before I slink back into the safety of my white-washed house for the rest of the evening. - I quite like this line, because it contrasts well with the summary, the title and what's already been said about the character. Like, red in this story obviously alludes to death, blood and shit. But then there's this white house which leaves that aspect of innocence and purity, which then alludes to the fact that this person is careful and doesn't appear to be like a murderer and such. I think it's rather fitting, and it's quite neat how simple things and descriptions can create an air within a story. :) (whether or not you knew you did it). It's pretty good. :)

That’s the one that gets weird looks. - who, not that. :)

Because the writer, or director, wants them to live. Wants them to get away. - I also really like this, because in the obvious sense, this person is a character - but not in their world. So, it's really neat in the sense that you might not deal to this character how the character often feels murderous characters are dealt to in stories. :) I think it's just interesting to have something like that in a story, and to see how it might all pan out.

I can't tell you if this is sounding better than the initial co-write (because I don't think I've ever seen it, or it was around before I came along), but you do have a character which seems intriguing, and a plot which seems like it's definitely going to go somewhere decent. And you've got all these little thing in that first chapter which make you think (like the whole murder character point) and questions that need answering. :) Tis a good start. :)

Just to clarify one thing, the only reason why the layout isn't centered is because I had an image on the side of it that would have made part of the story hard to read, and for some reason that image has gone missing (wtf, dissapearing image) so I'll probably change it to center since I do like the center XD

Story Review Game.

To begin, I really liked the summary. It sounded really interesting and it instantly got my attention, which is always a good first impression to make. I really like stories that have to deal with murderers and that sort of thing so that made me even more interested. I'm generally not a huge fan of layouts that aren't in the middle but that's more of a personal preference. I wasn't really a huge fan of the font in the banner; it seemed too cartoony for the subject matter. Nonetheless, that's a personal preference thing and if you're happy with your layout, please keep it the way it is. :)

I love the tone you set with the very first chapter. Even if he's a killer, I can't help but like the main character right off of the bat. I love how you managed to incorporate details about the character and about the environment around him, but you did it in such a casual way. That bit about the wind chimes was just plain glorious; I hate wind chimes so I can completely understand his feelings on that matter! xD

The moment you forget your own humanity is the moment you are pressed up against a blue car with red and blue lights splashed across your face. I really like that line because it really is true. Many serial killers think that they're much smarter than the cops, which leads to such a simple mistake. I love how your main character is aware of this flaw and he's aware of the fact that he's slipping up. His self-awareness seems a bit cocky but it doesn't, at the same time. I love that.

I'm only on the fourth paragraph but I'm noticing that the observations the character is making are just so true about life; about the quiet kid sitting at the back of the classroom? Very true. This is a very intelligent story.

The names! I recognized them all so I couldn't help but laugh, especially at the Tyler Bateman one. Very clever. xD

Too many friends makes you sloppy to. That last to should be too, although that might make the sentence sound a little redundant. Maybe change it to 'as well?'

Now that I've reached the end, I am definitely impressed with the character development you've employed. Your writing style actually sounds like someone is narrating or thinking this aloud. The character is definitely unique, mainly due to that self-awareness I mentioned earlier. He's not stupid; he knows that he is a human and he knows that he has made mistakes. I think that was the perfect spot to end the first chapter as well; who is this he and how did the main character meet him? How is he so special? Overall, other than that one small grammar mistake, I have no problems with your writing. My only issue would be with the layout and that's really a very small problem that comes down to my personal preference. :)

I think that I'm actually going to subscribe. I'm interested to see where this goes. :)

I really like the layout, it's plain and simple yet so effective and it just gives me a creepy feeling, haha. I'll make it in the center though, rather than the middle but that's just a really minor thing. x] I also like the summary, it's most intriguing and definitely makes the reader want to read more.

I really like your choice of words, they're elegant and sophisticated and it just flows so perfectly (: It's obvious that the story is about a murderer and he's scared that he's slipping up. I like how you give enough detail for the reader to know what's going on yet not too much that they're overwhelmed, it's just right. Well done (:

Wow, I am shocked that someone commented this already! Thank you so much :)

I really like this. I can't wait for your next update :)