The Ballad Of Olivia - Comments

awesome! Loved it, keep updating

Sooooo I read three chapters because I have to rush out, but here's what I thought:
I absolutely loveeeeeeeeeeeeeeee the layout. Love it. I think it goes really well with the story so.
You changed tense a few times in the second, and third chapters, so you might want to go back and correct that. While it didn't take away from the lovliness of this story, it's slightly distracting.
So far you've created the characters beautifully, at some parts though I don't think the way they speak is exactly right for their character.
Those were the only couple things I noticed wrong with this story. For as far as I got, your descriptions were wonderful, and I really love this!

The layout is beautiful :) I love the banner, its so pretty.

"Brendon:"Of course. It will be my owner;" <--- That confused me honestly.

first chapter is amazing, you made the guitar something so different. It seemed like a person, the way you made the words come alive.
second chapter was just as good. You entered Brendon flawlessly. The only issues is it seems you changed the girl's character. You made her nice, but then you made her rude. It was a bit confusing.
"costumers" I'm not sure if you misspelled that on purpose or not.
third chapter was a bit confusing but I did enjoy it.
fourth chapter was amazing, you detail things with such grace. It's enjoyable.

There was a few mistakes, but none of them are harmful enough to really mention. I quite liked this story :) good work.

The part about the food made me hungry... I love this. The hwole idea of Brendon "kidnapping" someone makes me smile. Please continue as soon as you get the chance. I hope the concert was fun!

"Why hello there, Olivia" made him sound creepy ahaha
The whole trick with the closets was funny, I like that
What was even funnier is to imagine someone swinging a guitar around

I really love this story <3 But, there's something I've noticed in your chapters.

"I keep on walking forwards. My vision becoming more blurry as my stomach begins to growl."

A lot of your sentences are like that. They should probably be combined, like this:

I keep on walking forwards, my vision becoming more blurry as my stomach begins to growl.

Yeah. I think that would make the story look nicer(: Awesome job so far on the story, I like how you made fake doors in the room XD

i think i've fell in love with story.
i love mister urie in general, but you've brought justice to my whole loving of urie fan fictions.
i have to subscribe. (:

Good chapter :)
I just thought of Alfred from Batman ahaha
Sorry for the late comment, I have a lot going on right now & am slowly digging my way through all the Mibba notifications emails

Oh my god...I didn't know he was going to KIDNAP her. That's a first aha.
Update. Right now.

Ok uhm, did Brendon Urie just kidnap her? CRAZINESS!!! I love it, update as soon as you can!

I loved it! Can't wait to see what happens next :)
Awesome job.

awesome awesome awesome!!
keep up the good work :D

The layout is pretty and simple to read. And the summary is interesting, I'm curious to see what happens.

The first chapter is short, but very descriptive. I like how you manage to make your words flow effortlessly while capturing Olivia's spirit at the same time. I feel sorry for her. For a second I was wondering who Delilah was but I'm glad you cleared that up in the author's note.

In the second chapter, you had a few spelling mistakes:
I stroke the light delicate strings of my sweet guitar as I open my lips and let out my own melody for the streets themselves to listen too. Too should be to.

The mindless suited zombies flew bye with their brief cases patting their legs. Bye should be by.

I love the description of the man, I was scared for Olivia but then was glad to see the other guy, Mr Brendon Urie. He sounds gorgeous :)

Ah, a cliffhanger. I love em :)

I really like this. It's very well written, and besides a few grammatical mistakes(which we all do) I see nothing wrong with it.

So I'm going to subscribe, because I really want to know what's next :D

love the banner and the layout :D love the summary :D
Really cute :D
I loved the second chapter XD
more please!!!! :D
i subscribed tew :D

I really like it. Please update as soon as you can!!

I really like the layout and banner; the colors work really well together. I also think the summary is cute ^_^

Well I've never read a Brendon Urie fanfic before, so this is a nice change. I noticed in the first chapter you have ghost's and I think it should just be ghosts(:

"The wild flames become those once unforgivable words. Their faces ever clot my veins." I absolutely love that line <3

Overall this is a really cute idea. Keep up the good work :D

I really don't like fan fics but this is very well written and it's a nice plot :)

Keep up the good work and I'll surely take a look at this when you update :D

This story makes me giggle. I don't know why, it just does. It tickles me and I love it.

The layout is lovely; simple and straight to the point without a lot of clutter. I love those types of layouts. It's easy to see and read, without having to click the default layout button. The girl in the banner is what I see when I read this story.

The first chapter was heart gripping and I felt really sorry for Olivia. I would take her in myself if I could, but alas, she's fictional. Even though it was a short opening, it captured my attention easily and very well.

The second chapter litterally had me in laughing fits. Brendon in a cape is just what I would imagine him in everyday, but I figured it was for a video or something he was walking home from. But imagining him in a cape is amusing and makes me smile. It was Brendon to the resuce! Cute. But the cliff hanger is killing me. I need to know what happens next!

You have a lovely style of writing so I can't wait to see what happens next. I'm subbing and waiting patiently for the next chapter.

ACK
It's over.
DANNNNGGGG YOUUUUU CLIFF HANGERRRRSSSSSSSSSS

Brendon Urie, you in the cape creep me out. But you with the hat and goggles in the suit turn me on. Why must you tease me????

Subscribing. Because I love Brendon Urie. And guitars. And I need to know where this is going.