Buoyancy - Comments

I'm here as a judge for the Pick a Sentence, Write About It contest.

I enjoyed the fact that you wrote this story more from Logan's perspective, even though it was still third person. It was interesting to get the story from the perspective of an awkward, shy guy and to really see how he was feeling about the whole thing. I liked how much you were able to develop the characters, even though this is a fanfiction, so I didn't feel like I needed to know anything about the show or the people before I read the story. You also wrote the relationship between Kandi and Logan really well. Transitioning from best friends to more than that can be super awkward and I liked how well you captured that.

The descriptions you used throughout the whole story. I feel like I told you this on the last story I comment on, but I appreciate that you keep the same level of description throughout the entire story. It makes everything feel very consistent and flow together really nicely. I always felt like I was getting the same amount of information for everything that was happening because of the way you used descriptions, if that makes sense.

Overall, wonderful job. Thanks for entering!

margarine megurine:

I couldn’t see major grammatical errors at all! Although some sentences had capitalization errors like in this sentence: “Well, you could always go up to your room, change, and come back down?” he offered. The word ‘he’ should be capitalized because a question mark was before it. Unless it’s a comma, you have to capitalize any word after the punctuation in the dialogue. Does that make sense? I hope so. But in all seriousness, this story is really well-written and carefully proofread.

I'm not trying to be rude, but that's simply not correct It doesn't matter what the punctuation is in the dialogue, the dialogue tag isn't capitalized. Link.

I've taken two university-level English grammar courses and made As in them both, I know my grammar

I couldn’t see major grammatical errors at all! Although some sentences had capitalization errors like in this sentence: “Well, you could always go up to your room, change, and come back down?” he offered. The word ‘he’ should be capitalized because a question mark was before it. Unless it’s a comma, you have to capitalize any word after the punctuation in the dialogue. Does that make sense? I hope so. But in all seriousness, this story is really well-written and carefully proofread.

Anyway, the flow of the story is really evident since there were no run-on sentences that I saw. Also, you have a knack for detail because you can balance the right amount of description and gave something for the readers to imagine.

I didn’t even notice that your story had smut, to be honest so I had to read it all over again because I got too caught up on the descriptions (the descriptions were too good!)You definitely covered their emotions and every action they made. I was able to imagine every scene from beginning to end and that’s a good thing because like I’ve said, a quality of a good story is leaving something for the reader’s mind to ponder and imagine. Even if I didn’t know Big Time Rush, I was able to understand this story. This could have been an original story

Thank you so much! First entry. Whoop whoop!

I enjoyed reading this. I really liked the chemistry of Logan and Kandi, that was established very well. I liked it! ::thumb up:

So, I really do love your writing. Even though I might not know the characters out of context, in your context, they're really... well, relatable, I guess.

Logan is just so freaking adorable and huggable and *flail* He actually kind of reminds me of myself a little. But he's just so real. All of them are, but he especially is. Maybe that's because he's the main character, but it's also that it's evident you've put a lot of thought into who these people are not only IRL but as characters functioning in your story, and so they don't seem like they're "characters." I don't know how else to explain it, really.

My other thing was is that your metaphors are different, but they aren't out there, so they're relatable. My personal favorite was mentioned below. But yeah, your relatability in all aspects of your storytelling is just amazing. The emotions, the characters, plot, setting, lit techniques, the flow... everything. I love it so much :D

That was super adorable ^_^ I love how descriptive your story is written and I thought the character’s interactions were also well described and very believable. The transition from when Logan is having fun fooling around with Kandi to when his feelings for her intensify and to when that boost of confidence kicks in was handled very well.
And need I say how hot that love scene was? ;) Her tongue swirled something hot like melted ice cream in his mouth Nice comparison :D
I say great job! Not usually my cup of tea, but I’m glad I found this. Thank goodness for Comment Swap ;) haha

Comment Swap!

This was cute! And really insightful into an inexperienced boy's mind. You are a really good writer, especially with descriptions. Also your little love-making scene was cute and believable and all-around sexy. I figured it's just a one-shot but you could continue if you want. :)

Naw, this was adorable. I also love reading showverse Logan <3

This was amazing. You are such a talented writer, it's unbelievable. I loved the way you described things. You painted the perfect picture of the setting, characters and their actions. ... You also write the best "sex scenes" I've ever read. Just perfect. Amazing.