Run. - Comments

How odd, this is exactly the type of horror I love to see, unexplained and terrifying; could you perhaps be a King fan? You writing style isn't similar to his, but you seem to be able to create apprehension within your readers the same as he can.
Anyway, this was lovely.

you're extremely talented, this shocked me. i've never read something like this, but, it was better than i thought it'd be. once again, amazing job.

Oh my gosh! What was that? The thing that captured him? The think that saved him? Damn damn damn. I freaking loved this! So suspenseful and it makes me feel like I need a sequel or something to find out what that was. Amazing job!

The summery grabbed my attention. The death thing might intrigue people because it sounds like a story of survival.

If your lungs could scream, he was sure that his would be screaming so loud that hell would hear them.

I would change "your" to "his" and change "that his" to "that they" in this sentence. Try avoiding the words "you", "your" and "you're in paragraphs that are not dialogue.

Your description is beautiful and really gives me amazing images in my mind. You also didn't fail to write description at the end of the chapter as most writers on here do. This was well written and was quite original.

The endline is also a great line to end with in this story.

Great job :)

I just need to say, I'm in awe. You started right off with this fast-paced, horrific scenario. Fantastic job all around, although I did have a slight difficulty reading it with the dark background.

I think you definitely captured perfect harmony between personification and descriptions. Well done. :) I'd really like to check out the rest of your stories sometime soon.

I was confused by the first sentence, but that was it. I really love this story. The description is utterly perfect, I can feel myself in the actual story. It's fast paced, but it was the good kind. I don't know how to correctly put that.

Mostly I love how the story flowed. The main character was developed very well, he seemed like he was relatable. Especially when he was fussing over gym classes. I like that part.

The summary is beautiful, I love how you added that part. It gave me chills and that is nearly impossible to even do that! That was perfect to m, it brought the reader in and gave them a taste.

Most writers cannot pull off what you just did, so I applaud you on that. I very much like this story. It's my perfect taste. There is nothing I can say that is wrong to me. It's perfect the way it is :)

Layout and Summary: I rather like the layout. It's simple, not too dark and not too bright, and matches the banner. The summary is what interested me; I was intrigued by the dialogue and the ultimatum that was given. It reminded me somewhat of dialogue from a slasher film.

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It starts of quickly, with a character on the run from something; it's exciting and sets a fast paced mood - nice work there. There is one thing, however: "If your lungs could scream, he was sure that his would be screaming so loud that hell would hear them." I think that "your" should be "his", or be taken out completely, like "If lungs could scream, he was sure..."
I like how the character is beating himself up, saying that he should've taken more gym classes or exercised more, in his time of peril.

I feel that, after the bit of dialogue, "Cackling erupted out of the darkness..." should start a new paragraph.

I did like that paragraph, though. It sets the eerie mood of the story as well as the setting, but without giving too much information, such as why he's running or who he's running from. I liked the metaphor of the houses' frameworks being skeletons and the personification of the empty windows. It made me picture exactly what this scene would look like as the character ran down the street barefoot; it's very well written.

The next paragraph is well written as well and shows his memory well. This sentence, however, is a bit off. "The part of town he'd chosen to walk was usually considered safe, somewhere that you didn't have to worry about your children getting abducted." After safe there should be a semicolon, not a comma, and after that is a bit awkwardly phrased. It's not too bad, though, and still gets the message across.

The next paragraphs are great; they engross the reader in what happened to the man and almost forget that he's running and simply remembering these events.

The capture moves quickly and so does the dialogue between the man and his captor. As he begins to run, we're brought back to the beginning of the story; he scolds himself for not exercising and he's running from the laughter yet again in the suburban setting.

As he grows closer to the field, I can tell that you're setting up for a quick turn of events. The save haven, the field, was snatched from him so quickly; he was ten meters from it and then ran out of time. I thought he was a goner.

His determination to live saved his life; I liked that character trait. It was necessary in this story and was a great trait for the main character.

Overall
I liked this a lot. It had few grammar mistakes and was a well written, fast paced work. Great job!

Wow—this was so well-written. I could imagine every word and description; it's amazing, really. The desperation in his run seriously made my heart beat fast. You've done a good job. You said in your A/N that you want some constructive criticism, but I can't think of anything to improve on. You're talented.