Steel city calls - Comments

I just joined the comment swap on Mibba and I wanted to start off by saying I was really interested in the relationship drama. I feel like sticking to usual spelling and words would work best because for me. Reading the words that were spelled weird made me focus too much on the specifics of the word instead of the overall context of what was going on. To be honest with you I’m not sure of who this story is about but the way this started off, I would defiantly keep reading because the whole concept of this has caught my attention. I feel like the layout of the story is kind of distracting too... but this is my personal opinion. I think that adding some spaces between the paragraphs would help but this is just an opinion. Overall I enjoyed the first chapter to this story and will continue to read. I have been gone from Mibba for awhile and I’m excited I get to find new and interesting stories. I don’t want to spoil it for the people reading comments before reading the chapter, but part of me was kind of mad at the demeanor she took. LOL. I feel like as someone dealing with a cheater, I would be pissed and it would defiantly show in my writing. HAHAHA.

adorable <3

I really like your way of writing. You choose good words, which make it more enjoyable for the reader. But, I think it would be better if you had more spacing in your texts. Like, cut it into more paragraphs, it always make sit easier to read things especially on the computer. :) But great work! Keep it up. :3

So just started reading this and was instantly hooked on the relationship dramas! You have a really good flair for regular slang, and I think you made really good use of it to make all the content of the conversation pretty realistic, although being English myself and having studied dialects I have to say the whole thing with her using ' yeh' and ' yer' suggests she's from Liverpool or something and makes her accent as a whole sound kind of weird to me! So maybe stick with usual spelling or words like that but show her English origins in the words she uses, like saying rubbish instead of trash or like, where you use the word ' hobo' use the word ' tramp' because not that many English people as a whole use that word! People from Yorkshire/Lancashire do tend to clip words, so the bits where you used words like ‘ comin’ ‘ was definitely right. I think you said ‘ tha’ instead of ‘ the’ too which also kind of confused me, because again people from Sheffield would definitely say ‘ the’ as it’s spelt, but they would say ‘ tha’ instead of ‘ that’ because of the whole dropping their t’s thing! Sorry this comment is kind of ranty but I noticed you asked for tips on writing accents. Comment me if you want anymore help as I am from that area or England good job anyway!

Hi, I'm a comment swapper. I've never heard of Bring Me The Horizon or the people in it. I have to say, your story is off to a good start, but is a little bit difficult to read because of the layout. When you paste it into the box, go between paragraphs and press enter. It creates a better break between paragraphs. I thought I would lend you a helping hand!

Sorry if I offended you in any way! Good luck on your story!
~Amanda

Hiii,I'm a comment swapper, I'm not a fan of Bring Me The Horizon so i found i had no idea who you were talking about at points ( I did wiki it however... so I have some idea now ahaa!)
Im kinda confused like the comment below with the speech of Payton... creating an accent with the words, rather than just letting the reader assume makes it awkward to read.
The layout as well distracts from the writing I feel, its too bright and quite difficult at points to read well without having to overly concentrate...
+++ I'm sorry this does sound quite negative... I've read a few chapters and I do like the writing itself!!
<3

Hey Im a comment swapper, i enjoyed your story and i like that its about Matt from BMTH :) The only thing i didnt like about the story was when you tried to write Payton's dialogue in a Sheffield accent because to be honest i come from Sheffield and that sounds nothing like how we speak and it was a bit confused to read. Im really sorry to be negative! But that is the only downside, other than that i really enjoyed your story and your story line just wish there was a little bit more back ground into Matt's and Payton's relationship.

I just HOPED that this would be a fan fiction about one member of Bring Me The Horizon when I saw the title! Was really surprised when I saw it was Matt, as many BMTH fics are about Oli! Pleasant surprise, for sure!

Anyway, I really like how original the plot is and it might sound weird, but after following this through to the end, I appreciated the whole story. Not just one chapter or a few lines, but every element of the story as a whole.

PS, I think the way you write a Sheff accent is actually pretty good! Some people over-exaggerate it and completely ruin it! xx

awwwwww BRILLIAAAAANT <3

ohmygod call me late but I'm really loving this. update pleaseeeeee?

Update soon<3

Aw i loved thi story!

update!!

Aww Matt's such a cutie. Good story so far. Please keep up!