Superhero Origins: Watercat - Comments

I don't really know what to make of the summary, it was very simplistic, even though it described the characters pretty well, or from what I have seen from the chapters I read.

I don't understand why Jessica is being so mean. I'd like some elaboration on her character regarding her attitude and why she has such an issue with Haley. I don't understand it. She took her in and is taking care of her (( as odd as that is, I mean, taking in an orphan is nice, but a little fishy)) and she gives her an attitude and insists, and can't even do her own homework?

I like Wally, he seems like a cutie pie.

The story has potential, I just wish there was a little bit more detail with what was going on, the setting and that. So good luck and happy writings with it! (:

This was pretty good. I enjoyed it :)

Thanks. That was really helpful. I do see where you are coming from. This was really helpful and I'll see what i can do to fix it.

Sorry, I was just reading over what I posted, and I think I should clarify what I mean with the orphan bit sounding callous. It's not the fact that she's helping an orphan that is bad, but it's rather just the way you say that she 'wasn't really a friend', as though the girl was property that was found instead of a person. It makes it look like the narrator doesn't care much.

The summary here is unusual. I'm not sure what to make of that- as in, whether it seems overly simplistic and informal, or whether it's designed to be a bit poignant. From the summary page, the other thing that struck me was the layout. While I get that it's just the backdrop and has nothing to do with the story itself, something more interesting than a default layout might help attract more interest. The font with this layout is also very small, which sucks for half-blind mole types like me- generally, anything you can do to make your story readable to a greater number of people is in your best interests.

The first chapter starts out well- I like the bit about 'swimming' in homework. Vivid descriptions can really make or break writing when it comes to immersion, I think. I am a bit baffled though by the part where the narrator says she 'found' the orphan girl. Not only is it a bit implausible in this day and age for orphans to just be roaming the streets, waiting for adoption, but it seems like a pretty callous oversimplification. Finding and taking something home is what you do with a dog, not a human being. For this reason, it makes your character unsympathetic, which is probably not what you want. I might consider revising that.

Formally, your spelling, grammar and pace are good, though. This gives the impression of having been edited, or maybe you're just a practiced writer. I would have appreciated a bit more fleshing out of the later chapters -you tend to rely a lot on dialogue, and don't explain much of the setting- but otherwise your writing is unproblematic.

This anyway looks like it must have been fun for you to write!

I love your description and the way you make the characters!
I love the layout to.
your very good so update!
Dreaming of Lavender Swap?

Thanks so much!

I've loved it so far! Update soon.