Deflowering Orchid - Comments

I’m here as the new host for the ‘It’s Time For Some Female Slash’ contest.

I like the dynamic you’ve created between Orchid and Aislin what with Orchid being so sweet and kindhearted and Aislin being in an abusive situation. There’s definitely a lot of chemistry between the two that I can tell was built over years of friendship. It was really good that you captured that because this was really short, and yet I found myself happy that they confessed to each other. It felt like a weight was let off both of their shoulders, which I felt as a reader because of how you created them.

Although, I’m not sure what’s up with the whole Richard thing? Orchid struck me as the type of character that wouldn’t cheat and would definitely have stopped herself from acting on her feelings, not go as far as she did without a thought. She didn’t even seem hesitant. I mean, I’m under the impression that Richard is her boyfriend with how Aislin talked about him, so it just seemed so strange. I almost want to say it was out of character but I don’t think I know Orchid that well. It just seemed so… selfish to not even hesitate, especially if she’s as compassionate as Aislin says.

Other than that, I think it was a nice one-shot that you could turn into a full-length story so good job.

Thank you!

Wow. You're talented and that's how I'm going start off this comment. I think that you managed to create something that I'm very happy I had the chance to read. I find female slash so underdone, which is why I hosted this contest, and I'm so glad you entered. I think you really excelled in: naming your characters, in having an amazing sense of introductory moments of your story and making it adorable. I loved the names of your characters, so unique, so original and loved it. It was great. I was smiling through the whole story because I really liked it. You enticed me with that first sentence and I just couldn't stop reading and that's a wonderful thing. I liked the connection they had and I liked that you made it really believable.

I think that the ending was rushed. I was expecting more because of all that had lead up until the ending. I think that it just kind of ended, and I felt a little bit like I was missing something. I'm not saying the ending was bad, because it wasn't, I thought the ending was cute. However, I just feel like more needed to be done with the ending.

I think you really created something I enjoyed. I think you have a good style, and I really like this story.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I've STARTED to make this full length. but with school and me being a junior this years, it's not my first priority. But I did add characters to the character page.

make it full length

Thank you! I am actually in the process in writing the rest of the story out. I've written three chapters and I want to at least write 10 before posting.

Ive never read this kind of stiry. Im straight and I thought,it,was hot

You totally should write more.
Its amazing. :D

Sweet Jesus. :o

Please write more.

This<3 Sweet mother of lesbians... That was sexy.
It was really sweet, as well, and the little scene at the end... Geesus!

If you don't make this into a full length story, I will punch a puppy.

Love this. A lot. Going to sub in hopes of you continuing it :)

I loved this! :D

I'll definitely read it if you continue.

Thank you! I've been thinking of a lit of ideas and you might see something soon.

I think you should make it into a full length.
I would so read it. :)

Thanks :)

aertjaeroitoweraejo! Well, first of all, I have an incredibly hard time concentrating on any story here on Mibba, but this one held my attention the entire time and it was very, very sexy c:

Possibly! I'm actually considering it.

Lovelovelove. <3. Amazing. :). Story?