Strangers - Comments

Omigosh, I absolutely adored this piece. I loved the subtle chemistry between the two main characters and how smoothly and naturally their dialogue flowed throughout the first chapter, how, even though they were complete strangers, there weren't any awkward silences or fumbling for words. They just, for lack of a not-so-cheesy expression, hit it off, and I think you did an amazing job of letting the reader feel that undeniable chemistry.

As far as characterization goes, I love how both Lucy and Takanori have that extreme sense of self-confidence without being cocky. That's got to be one of my favorite character traits, and you did a really good job showcasing that through the dialogue. The dynamic between them was fantastic, and I thought it was great how this encounter wasn't based off of romantics: it's just a game to them. At the same time, even though this was just a hook-up, you still explained the various emotions racing through Lucy's thoughts. I enjoyed how, even though this is told more from Lucy's perspective, you were still albe to portray Takanori's shifting thoughts with his expressions and mannerisms.

As always, the smut was just utterly amazing. It's so hard for me to find smut that I feel is realistic without being too forced or using completely awkward phrasing, but you have the entire package. I liked how you wove small bits of humor through the sex scene, particularly at the end, because I felt like that made it more realistic and less like a staged porn flick. I typically don't feel much of anything for most characters in fic, even published work, but I found myself internally rooting for something to develop out of this encounter for the two characters XD

Grammar was flawless, and the flow of this piece overall was just impeccable. Seriously, most of the novels I've read didn't flow as well as this piece. There weren't any gaps in your writing, no awkward transitioning or unanswered questions. Another thing that stuck out to me as I was reading (I made mental notes of a lot of things, but I highly doubt I'll remember them all ) was how you have the perfect balance between dialogue and narration. There wasn't an entire page of dialogue or paragraphs upon paragraphs of description, you wove the two together wonderfully.

Overall, I really loved this piece, and I'm glad that I got a chance to read it and comment

First comment. Anyway sorry this didn't post so I decied to retype it. I like how mysterious you made the woman seem. That and how like 30 mins with the man and she is wrapped around his finger. That was not according to the plan. This is pretty good and I hope you continue to write this story.