Let's Get These Teen Hearts Beating Faster - Comments

Damn.. Maybe there is a little something like that. But I'd she admits and he continues with that, then his chance will be gone before he realised he had one. everyone needs a bit of Marauder love in their life. I wonder if Remus already knows or not, overall this story was intresting

Came here from comment swap and it's been so long since I have a read a harry potter fanfic so it makes me sad knowing that this story is on hiatus and that the last comment here was 3 years ago. I'm going to check out your other works though!

Aw this is so good, hope it comes off hiatus soon. There's a lack of decent stories like this on Mibba.

Jealousy? Damn.. Maybe there is a little something like that. But I'd she admits and he continues with that, then his chance will be gone before he realised he had one.. And I kind of half agree on what she said. That at breakfast is not pleasant at all... Good chapter.

0o0o00o0o0o!
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I love this story, have recommended because I feel that everyone needs a bit of Marauder love in their life XD and this is brilliantly written, also the banter between the friends is spot on, its exactly the sort of nonsense me and friends spout at each other
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Did I mention I LOVE this story?

Well since you asked nicely, hehe ^^ so Sirius' feelings are being descovered for himself.. Instead of just for James. I wonder if Remus already knows or not, and if Cami likes any of them like that or will like them like that. Hmm.. Also some other stuff, but I can't be bothered to write it all down. Good chapter. ^.^

^0^ competition!
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Demanding are we? Could I at least get a please on that sentence, otherwise it just takes some of the fun out of commenting. Politeness is the way. ^.^ anyways, the love triangle has begun.. I wonder if it will stay that way. Hmm.. Good chapter and... More soon please.

Lol sleeping in the nude... Too funny.
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Hehe, I like the introduction to this so far. It's interesting and I'm looking forward to more.

Ah! Update!
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I haven't completely forgotten about it, but pretty much yeah.. But it seems like a really good story (maybe like before? xD) and I'm staying as a subscriber. Good introduction and I'm hoping for those quick updates! :D

Hey! So, I've read your story and I've read through some of your comments and I'd just like to address some points that people have been making. Sugoi stated

"I am a bit confused though. If she is an American citizen like her father and living in the States, how is she boarding the Hogwarts Express? I know a little later on she explains that she lives in England but you didn't explain that. There should be a little bit more of a back story so that we could get to know her and how she came back to England."

I dunno, I read through that comment then read your story and it was immediate to me that you had mentioned she moved back to America. Granted, it's easy to skip over, but still there. As for your sentence structure I have to completely disagree with both sugoi and lovely lies. Why do people think that you have to pack your story full of detail for it to be worth reading? That is SO not the case. A lot of times, trying to add detail where detail is not warranted, or where you feel that it is not needed will drive a riff through the flow of you work. Hemingway was famous for his minimalistic style. And he's Hemingway. So honestly, don't feel too bad about that comment. I think that it is blatantly obvious only the first chapter was read for reference in both of these comments and I think it's absurd that they can judge your entire story off of just the first chapter.

Okay, now on to what I think about your story.

I do agree that your writing is minimalistic, but as I've said before, it doesn't have to be a bad thing :) "The summer before third year, Cami hit puberty. Suddenly she wasn't so awkward. She had boobs, if little ones. (She had a minor freak out session when they started appearing and Sirius had to comfort her and inform her that she wasn't diseased, they were just, er...breasts. It was awkard for both of them, but Cami was relieved.)" That was cute. AWKWARD AS HECK, but cute :)

So yeah, I think your story is charming! Sorry for the dreadfully long comment, but I just needed to get those things off my chest. I think everyone can improve their writing skills and should strive to do so, but I don't think that you have to conform to what is expected in order to do so. :)

First off, I do agree with Sugoi. Your summary needs more to capture the attention of readers. I love potterfics, I have a few myself. But, we're here to talk about yours. I do enjoy the concept, and I do enjoy reading it. Humor is brilliant and thats a major plus, you always want to keep a reader smiling or laughing. Which you did perfect in my case. I have to say on the challenging your way of writing is to be more freely detailed and have less choppy sentences. Think about how you want your readers to feel and try to portray that in words. Trust me, its hard. But, your not too far from achieving the perfect sense. Keep writing. :)

The summary doesn't really tell me much. From first glance it seems like just another Potterfic and what's to stop someone from closing the tab. I suggest you write something for your summary to pull your readers in and make them want to click the first chapter.

The sentences are choppy and are lacking in description. Instead of just saying "She soon fell asleep" you could say something along the lines of

"While the rest of her cabin mates chatted aimlessly amongst themselves, Cami looked out the window, watching the scenery roll by. The train was going so fast that the forest was nothing much but a blur. Mesmerized, she didn't even feel her eyes closing."

It sets the scene and let's your readers know what's going on around your characters.

I do, however, like how you explained about her parents. I find it cute how her father fell for her mother instantly. The little romance there was a nice touch. I am a bit confused though. If she is an American citizen like her father and living in the States, how is she boarding the Hogwarts Express? I know a little later on she explains that she lives in England but you didn't explain that. There should be a little bit more of a back story so that we could get to know her and how she came back to England.

I loved the dialogue though. You even made me laugh so hard I scared my cat, who was sleeping on my legs, when I read
I'm Sirius."

"Serious about what?"

All in all you've got a good story here and with some revising you could take it in a very good direction. I wish you the best of luck mate!

First off, I have to say that I really enjoyed the conversation between the characters as they met because I thought that it flowed really well and sounded realistic as opposed to being stiff or forced. I thought that some of the initial awkwardness between Cami and Sirius was very fitting, though I must admit that I am not familiar with the fandom. I feel like Cami is a really cute and relatable character, and I enjoyed reading about her. Though I feel like your dialogue is very strong, I would've liked for there to have been more of a balance between description and dialogue because the majority of this chapter is just dialogue, and it helps hold the reader's interest if you mix it up a little.

I love the way this story is written; it flows very well, and the dialogue is interesting. I find a lot of people have a hard time on here with making dialogue interesting, but you pull it off good!
It's cute how it's about the parents as kids. I haven't read it all, but I definitely will soon :)

Oh, yes, good. Marauder fanfiction. This pleases me. Usually I don't read fanfics based around an OC, but I like what you've done with Cami so far. She's interesting to read about, and I do appreciate that there's no typical 'block paragraph' description about her, like a lot of fanfiction has.

The pacing does seem a little jumpy. I'm on chapter four, and the skipping entire years thing is a little bit offsetting. And at this point I'd just note that the chapters are a little bit short? Maybe try fleshing them out a little bit.

Other than that, I'm noticing very spot-on characterization of the guys. I love that. :) Overall, this is really fun to read!

Not only is this story right up my alley (I'm a Marauders fanfic person) but it's also well written. Your words are very descriptive and you use them with purpose. I enjoy your dialogue and feel you have stuck to Rowling's main character traits while making them your own with small quirks. There are some commas that are out of place as is the link\url in the middle of chapter 4. Either way, I enjoyed reading your creation. Keep up the good work.