Champagne Heart of Glass - Comments

the dream maker. (200)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 31
Location:: United States

spaceship:
Champagne Heart of Glass:

First of all, I love the connection between the title and the story.
Second, the story is amazing. I love the small introduction in the summary. I also really liked that first paragraph.

The way you use the repetition throughout (John breaks a glass and then Cassie is sent out to take drinks to the guests) is really good. It's a pretty vague repetition, and you don't really see it unless you're paying attention to it.

I liked the way you portrayed Jake. You made him seem slightly superficial, and more like a person that didn't really understand but at the same time did (okay, that really didn't make sense) but I just liked it. My favorite line of that part was "It took almost as much effort to not give Justine, who was giving her the evil eye, the finger."

The one thing I didn't like much was the way you said "Well you see, prior to this party - about two weeks ago, exactly - Cassie had a wonderful loving boyfriend. His name was Jake Mathers. He was everything she looked for in a guy - sweet, adorable, sarcastic but not too much, athletic…and he didn’t mind that she always came to him smelling like pasta and cheese.". It's not that it's bad, but it's just that the rest of the story is strong, and you have this that, in my opinion, makes a slight gap in the middle. But that's just me.

Overall, it's amazing, and the closing line is pure brilliance. I loved it.

From the Story Review Game. How stupid of me to tell people to not comment here. :XD

March 20th, 2008 at 02:23am

animrod (100)

:: Member
Gender:: ♀
Age:: 30
Location:: United States

That was really good, I especially loved the introduction.

Cassie didn't quite strike me as the stalker type, though. ;]

You used great words to describe the atmosphere.
I loved it.

March 9th, 2008 at 07:45pm