My favorite line: I gawked at her. My lord I haven’t been here for a week and she’s gonna start pimping me out? 3- You mean "bridal style". A bridle is something one puts on a horse, and I don't think Jake pulled out the leather ropes just yet. Paul's cute, the story was fuzzy. Maybe a bit too much so. You may want to revise for spelling errors. Dan's cute, although he could have been a little more developed.
October 21st, 2012 at 05:52am