Destiny - Comments

I'm here to comment on this lovely story of yours. :)

The basic problem here is the verb tense, you go between past and present a lot and I do that too so I get you.
Making the summary more interesting would help, don't be lazy and do it. I mean, you have the skills for it judging from everything I have read so far. :)

Since I am from Greece, I thought I could help you by translating the English parts to correct Greek/Hellenic. I prefer Hellenic over Greek, lol.

Chapter 4, ''Μπαμπάκα μπορώ να έχω ένα νέο παιχνίδι κι εγώ;'' = Daddy can I have a new game too?
''Desdemona, δεν είναι παιχνίδι, είναι άνθρωπος.'' = Desdemona, she is not a toy, she is a person.
''Και δεν πρέπει να τραυματιστεί.'' = And she is not to be harmed.

Chapter 5 and 6, ''Πολύ καλά. Μαθαίνω γρήγορα.'' = Pretty good. I'm a fast learner.

Chapter 7, ''Η μητέρα σου αγαπάει τον πατέρα σου;'' = Does your mother love your father?
''Ο μπαμπάς σου δεν είναι τόσο κακός όσο οι άνθρωπο τον κάνουν να είναι.'' = Your dad is not as bad as people make him out to be.
''Σε ευχαριστώ. Μπορώ να σταματήσω τώρα;'' = Thank you. Can I stop now?

Chapter 14, ''Σε παρακαλώ, απλά δώσε μου μία δεύτερη ευκαιρία στο πρώτο μας ραντεβού για να σου δείξω πόσο σοβαρός είμαι για εμάς. Άμα ακόμα θέλεις να φύγεις, θα σε αφήσω. Στα αλήθεια πιστεύεις ότι θα προσπαθούσα τόσο σκληρά αν δεν νοιαζόμουν για' σένα;''
At the long talking part Brenton did when he asked for a second chance.

Chapter 24, ''Σταμάτα να κινείσαι!'' = Stop moving.
''Σταμάτα να κινείσαι!'' = Stop moving.

Chapter 28, ''Σ' ευχαριστώ.'' = Thank you.

Just a suggestion, I think it would add to the story if the names other than Hades and Persephone were Ancient Greek/Hellenic.

The parts I liked the most were at chapter 27, when Branton said, ''You mean nothing to me.'' at his ex and killed her. It took my breath away and strangely it reminded me of the movie, ''Queen of the Damned.''
I liked how the whole family thanked her for saving Branton's life and when she told Branton to remember the pain he felt when he erased her memory and sent her to Earth because that was the only chance he had for the two of them being together.

Once again, I fell in love with the plot line. Now, find a director and turn it to a movie.
I would for sure watch it. :DDD

~Marian.

when they go out is it in the real world is the underworld?

Sorry for lack of comments! I've been busy with everything.
Great updates! :D

Thank you for this update!!! That is so cool that they are having a baby! I really wanted to see what would happen during the birth of their child, but I still love this story! Thank you!

Yay true love & babies!!!

Aww how cute :D yay they gott married!! I can't wait to see what happens on the honeymoon :D

Eeeek! I spent all day reading this and I am absolutely hooked! Please Update soon!

Can't wait to read more of this story!!

Can't wait til the honeymoon
Hopefully she gets knocked up lol :D

Thank you so much for the update!!! I loved this chapter so much and now I really want to see what happens on their honeymoon!!!! I really love this story! Please update soon! Thanks!

Yay, more updates and stuff! :D poor Brenton, goiing mad for Destiny :(

But other than that...I loved the update.(:

Merry (late) Christmas and I totally think it should be in both. Wedding in hers and wedding night in his.

You should do it in Destiny's POV. The last chapter.

I wont be a silent reader any longer! Your story kicks ass.:)

Thank you for uploading this chapter! And thank you for letting Destiny and Brenton get back together! I think you should have both of their pov's in the next chapter! Thank you again and Merry Christmas!

Amazing!!
So glad she's back!!
For the wedding you should break it in to two parts and do both their POVs
Update soon!!

I hope this means their back together permanently!!! I love this story. More soon please!!!

Yay she remembered! These times, they are a-changin'

:D they're gonna get back togetherr right?!?! I hope soo