:D I just read this all to Candice and she said: '':O What???! No! She must write more like right now! I need more! You should have seen her reactions as I read. xD
Wow, that was absolutely amazing!! Again, your vocabulary is great, and I could really feel the emotions about everything. Just a few word usage/comma things that you may want to fix. Looking forward to the next chapter!!! (:
:DD !! I loved it!! Lmfao!! The writing was awesome, the stories amazingly expuisitely awesomeauce all on its own and I was laughing all the way through. Lol. Marz n Ryan fighting then making up (Aww <3) Then getting to the resteraunt and his mother being there and doing that made me want to kill her. And then eggrolls up Ryans ass. xD Excellent piece dude I loved this. You really made me feel the emotions she was going through at the time. :D I can't friking wait for the next update. :D
Even though you've only got the first chapter posted, I guess I felt the need to comment.
Personally, I absolutely loved it. The vocabulary you use, your descriptions and the way you word your sentences are great and really help me understand the story. The first person point of view also helps a lot. Your layout works very well. Grammatically, I just want to say that there are a few minor mistakes, such as missing commas in compound sentences that I'd like you to fix. Other than that, it's pretty much perfect. And overall, I think this is the kind of story I was looking for when I started the contest.
Thank you for joining. I can't wait to read the rest of this. (:
Of course Im the first commenter. Im just that awesomesauce!! ;D Dude!! I laughed so hard all the way through!! Lmfao QUAN! Eugh I would never name a precious piggie after..-scrunches nose- HIM. xDD love it!! And I can't wait for dinner. And of course pushaw..Im not magic << >> :DD I should meet your Dad, and make sure I have a severe lack of seashell, I think it'd go over well. My Dad's a major conversationalist/people person and I can be to when I have the confidence. I loved it and Im subscribing right now!! :DD I can't wait for the next update dude I absolutley positively LOVE it!! :D ^^