Unforgiving Pain - Comments

So far, I'd say you need to work on sentence structure, spelling, and capitalization. I'm really sorry, but it needed to be said. I believe wholeheartedly in telling the good and bad in every story. While it has a nice flow, the characters don't jump out at me. I can picture them, but most people when they look in a mirror don't notice their green eyes or their nose. Instead they see zits or how weird their nose is. That type of thing. So, to me, the characters are 2D.

But, you have a great idea, and with a little editing and revision, I think you could have a great story going here! So, work on characters, and your capitalization, but please, keep writing!

Best of Luck,
Izzy

I really like the story so far! I don't see anythin wrong with it ^^

there is honestly nothing wrong with this story. it has a nice flow and is decently detailed. It's not my type of topic or subject but I think you should continue

Love the story so far hun

I like this so far. I like the plot and the way this is going; however, I do have some constructive criticism for you!

I think you definitely need an editor. I see lots of fixable grammar mistakes, and it makes it hard to read. I love your layout background and banner, but the story content font is a little spacey and not my cup of tea. I think you need to space out the paragraphs more--it would look a lot nicer.

Make longer chapters! That would definitely interest the readers more. Awesome job! <3

I really like this. I am certainly looking forward to the next cahpters. Let me know when the next one is up, so I may follow this story? Keep up the great work!

Liked it and wished there was more.the intense is killing me lol

Good first chapter so far.Hope the next one's even better!!! :)