Uggggh, a Flyer's story. Sorry, but they are not one of my favorite teams (and that is putting it lightly), but since I read "Danny", it made it bearable. I've heard he's quite sweet. Claude, however, can suck it. I hope Danny wins out in the end.
The story seemed very rushed in the beginning. I think you should have explained the situation first before you put out the helping hand of a nanny.
As well, I think there's too much dialogue compared to how little descriptive detail there is. It makes the story harder to fall for, because you can't really picture it in your mind.
So far good job. If you read what u write after, you will probably catch the mistakes that spell check dont pick up. I know that helps me. Check mine out......... All flyers with the exception of a seabrook one.
The story seemed very rushed in the beginning. I think you should have explained the situation first before you put out the helping hand of a nanny.
As well, I think there's too much dialogue compared to how little descriptive detail there is. It makes the story harder to fall for, because you can't really picture it in your mind.
Work on those things, and you should be good.