“Mrs. Desrosiers,” the midwife that was there said, - I think this part of the line reads a little too awkwardly. :/ I think because she's in labour and pushing a baby out, it's a given that a midwife will be there to help her, so maybe the line could read like: "Mrs Desrosiers," the midwife began, "Would you like some gas and air?"
“Y-Yes…P-Please.” She stuttered. - comma and lower case 's'
give me a big push.” The midwife - comma and lower case 't'
The head’s out.” The midwife - comma and lower case 't'
She screamed as she pushed down to her bum - I'm just leaving this here because I'm not too sure what's being implied here. So, I think this line might need a little re-working.
after being led on - laid?
and lifted up her leg putting - you don't need 'up' in that sentence, because lifting indicates that it's going up. :)
Grace’s head as he balled his t-shirt up into her tiny hands. - she rather than he?
Grace look at her mom - looked
little family.” She said - comma and a lower case 's'
I think this a nice little piece to read, I like that you started with the birth and then went to a year later, the two milestones of life, I guess. :) And I like how each part was in the moment, rather than the before's and afters of those moments.
One thing that really got to me while I was reading was that you never gave David's wife a name, or much of an identity. She was just David's wife, and the midwife didn't have a name either. If she was a legitimate midwife, she'd be pretty close to David's wife, and they'd all be on first name basis. I just thought it was a little strange that neither of them had names. I also feel that you used 'David' too much to begin a sentence. I think you could have just gone 'He' or 'His,' just so there's no constant repetition. He was the only male in the story, so it wouldn't be confusing.
Other than that, though, it was a nice simple piece. :)
“Y-Yes…P-Please.” She stuttered. - comma and lower case 's'
give me a big push.” The midwife - comma and lower case 't'
The head’s out.” The midwife - comma and lower case 't'
She screamed as she pushed down to her bum - I'm just leaving this here because I'm not too sure what's being implied here. So, I think this line might need a little re-working.
after being led on - laid?
and lifted up her leg putting - you don't need 'up' in that sentence, because lifting indicates that it's going up. :)
Grace’s head as he balled his t-shirt up into her tiny hands. - she rather than he?
Grace look at her mom - looked
little family.” She said - comma and a lower case 's'
I think this a nice little piece to read, I like that you started with the birth and then went to a year later, the two milestones of life, I guess. :) And I like how each part was in the moment, rather than the before's and afters of those moments.
One thing that really got to me while I was reading was that you never gave David's wife a name, or much of an identity. She was just David's wife, and the midwife didn't have a name either. If she was a legitimate midwife, she'd be pretty close to David's wife, and they'd all be on first name basis. I just thought it was a little strange that neither of them had names. I also feel that you used 'David' too much to begin a sentence. I think you could have just gone 'He' or 'His,' just so there's no constant repetition. He was the only male in the story, so it wouldn't be confusing.
Other than that, though, it was a nice simple piece. :)