Innocence. - Comments

Well this was great. I loved all of it, every word was written with purpose and I could picture the whole thing.
Gosh, it was amazing.

@ FefeMacabre

It's meant to be a mystery:) You are supposed to come up with a theory yourself. At least that's what I meant.

I loved it, but I am a bit confused? Did Claira kill her mother and Billy because she was craving his sisters attention? is that what she meant at the end?

"Mommy and Billy got in my way." That line gave me chills.

I really liked this. I love your writing style, and the way you portrayed that little girl was beyond amazing. It's written perfectly!

[by the way, I posted in your comment swap journal.]

Wow, this was interesting, in a good way. Great job!

First off I would like to point out that you might want to check the verb tenses throughout the story. You seem to switch between past and present quite a lot.

That being said, I definitely like this story. The way you portrayed the young girl and her feelings is impressing. How she is so disillusional she doesn’t seem to realize what she is doing and how at the same time she won’t let anything stop her from getting at her sister. It’s unnerving to realize these things actually do happen in real life.

I also love the banner, it’s simple but fits the story perfectly!

This gave me goosebumps. The pacing was brilliant, and the the very last line sent that final chill running down my spine. Good job!

Beautiful. :) I like the way you portrayed the little girl's insanity.. The fact that it was a little girl and everything made it exceptionally memorable, as well as creepy (in a good way). Fantastic job!

Firstly, congratulations- you just pulled something off that few can; a story about insanity that is logical, sequencial & believable. In a way, this kind of reminded me of the movie The Uninvited: an American remake of a Japanese horror film called A Tale of Two Sisters. The way Claira acted towards the profilers was really well done, as was how you had her thought processes throughout the story although this could be taken as Claira was living in her own world in her head & doing the killing without really knowing it. Well, until the end when she said that Billy & her mother got in her way. That was a really chilling line. I loved this, great job!