Rebirth - Comments

I love the picture. I love your descriptions. I don't see how you can't be happy with it. It is a fantastic story. It shows so much emotion in a small amount of words. I think you've written something truly beautiful. It was very well done. I love your style. Keep up the good work!

"Rebirth" by locked.

Wow. I love the summary, and the picture you chose looks amazing.

It is in this [show-room], the room she resides in to be [shown] to the people - the words are too similar to be this close together. Try a synonym like "displayed" or something.
I did not expect her disappearance! I thought that her wings would just burst through. Oooh, this is getting even more interesting than I thought.
and she [smile] because she knows - missing "s" there.

This was really good, but it left me wanting more! Maybe it's because at the moment the angel girl disappeared, there was a sense of foreboding especially since the scene before that is of her back ripping open. It made me think that she was going to a place that wasn't going to make her happy or something which made me slow to accept that she's going "to a place where she belongs" as her mother said. Maybe this could be better (like I could accept the happy ending faster) if there was a foreshadowing of the happy ending in this part, like showing the girl smile before she disappears? Or hearing "heavenly music" before she disappears?

Maybe this is the reason why you're not sure if you're happy with it; that it ended a little abruptly. Or maybe it's something else entirely. If you figure it out and want my opinion on it again, feel free to message me. :)