Well, I don't follow this fandom, and my knowledge is limited, but I think you did a good job with the writing in this piece. I think it has good flow and I like your word choice for the most part. You did a very good job at setting a tone as well. I could feel the anticipation and the desire, very sort of heavy on the air. You had several good lines in this, but I think my favorite part was this: Never in his life had he wanted to indulge on someone’s blood this badly, he felt like a small child on Christmas morning staring at the first present they were about to open. He wanted to unwrap Sookie’s wrapper and reach with his tongue for the toffee centre. - I like the comparison here. It illustrated his barely restrained impulses well, and I thought it was a interesting way to express how he was feeling and how she made him feel. Also, toffee centre. Mmm. :3 I only spotted three possible errors (at least they jumped out at me as questionable): Eric had to calm his breathing, every muscle in his body wanted to inhale the scent and never let it go, it was a vampires morphine.- Again, this isn't my fandom, so if I'm totally off base ignore this, but breathing in vamp fics always throws me off because usually vamps don't do that. I don't know about the vamps in this fandom though, so like I said if these are different ignore this correction. the sweet aurora hung around his nostrils and every time he inhaled the desire to run his tongue along her collarbone was overwhelming.- I think "aurora" should be "aroma". but once they found rhythm that suited the both of you her face became more relaxed- "the both of you" should probably be "the both of them".
Well, anyway, I liked this. I think for a mild smut this is really great. Cheers. :)
I really loved that you had the intense sexual atmosphere around them just like the show :D You did an incredible job on your pairing! Written beautifully.
This was just wonderful! Sookie/Eric is my favorite pairing and I think you did a wonderful job capturing their relationship. It was definitely something I could picture happening in the TV show or in one of the books. Your descriptions were wonderful. There were a few errors in word choice, but otherwise this was really well written. I enjoyed reading this!
You had several good lines in this, but I think my favorite part was this:
Never in his life had he wanted to indulge on someone’s blood this badly, he felt like a small child on Christmas morning staring at the first present they were about to open. He wanted to unwrap Sookie’s wrapper and reach with his tongue for the toffee centre. - I like the comparison here. It illustrated his barely restrained impulses well, and I thought it was a interesting way to express how he was feeling and how she made him feel. Also, toffee centre. Mmm. :3
I only spotted three possible errors (at least they jumped out at me as questionable):
Eric had to calm his breathing, every muscle in his body wanted to inhale the scent and never let it go, it was a vampires morphine.- Again, this isn't my fandom, so if I'm totally off base ignore this, but breathing in vamp fics always throws me off because usually vamps don't do that. I don't know about the vamps in this fandom though, so like I said if these are different ignore this correction.
the sweet aurora hung around his nostrils and every time he inhaled the desire to run his tongue along her collarbone was overwhelming.- I think "aurora" should be "aroma".
but once they found rhythm that suited the both of you her face became more relaxed- "the both of you" should probably be "the both of them".
Well, anyway, I liked this. I think for a mild smut this is really great.
Cheers. :)