The Institution. - Comments

Hi, I'm the new judge for You Already Have It (Pre-Writes) under Mibba's Contest Revival and this is me judging your entry. Thank you for your patience! I comment as I go, so if it's a little disorganized, I apologize (although, I am making an attempt to keep the comment organized).

I like that you put in quite a lot of details and developed your main characters in the span of one story, but I felt like you gave away so much of Ashelie so fast. I feel like maybe if you’d held back a little more, it would have made the story a little better. I also felt like you should have expanded a little more on other characters.

If I’m being honest though, I think stories that involve huge traumas that cause someone to be institutionalized or even just being forced to deal with that trauma, shouldn’t be a short story. I think it should be a long story, to show the ups and downs as well as really develop the characters and their issues.

I did like your story, however, it wasn’t an easy read. I found that your writing was too formal, and maybe that’s just me, maybe I’m too use to reading by Rick Riordan and Sarah Dessen who really, really, really get into the characters and so the writing doesn’t come out anywhere near formal. And it’s not your fault your writing seemed formal to me. Really. I think it takes tons of experience and writing in the same universe, writing in the same point of view of a character continuously, for a long time for it to sound less formal. But unfortunately, for me, the formality takes away from the story. And I understand this story is two years old (if not older) so I’m sure, your writing is a lot less formal now (still in my opinion, not anyone else’s so please don’t be offended) and you can completely disregard this part of my comment.

And despite it’s shortness, your story was still good.

Good luck in the contest!

Aw damn. I though it was going ot be longer.

Regardless, great job. ^^

This is actually for a contest and will only be 4 chapters long, which I am done with so I will be posting them up shortly. Sorry that it's so short. :(

I really like it so far! I like the detail and the plot so far seems interesting. Please continue!

Hi. ^^

I really like this story so far. Sure, I've only read one chapter, but what matters to me most is writing style and word flow, which in your case are a tad better than 'acceptable', which is a very good thing.

I think I'll like this story even more in later chapters. Keep up the good work. ^^