Infinity - Comments

allow me to apologize for not responding for a while D: i was busy and i knew that i needed to, but i didn't want ot give you a shitty comment from my phone i can sit down now, though, and work.

anwyays, the layout is really nice and simple and for me, sort of shows you put more thought into the story than the layout.

your description is very nice and well done; not too much, but not too little. the child is very well done so far; not coming off as too mature as many do but you're clearly aware that all children aren't immature and stupid.

D: i understand that daddy's leaving, and that's so depressing because clearly ari doesn't understand it all the way. dallas is precious and awesome as an older brother, i approve so hard, and i love how he tries to distract here. it's soft and quiet and it sort of makes me tear up because it's sad and it's just easy to understand. i love the final lline, but it seems that it's sort of lleaving off on something longer. if it's a first chapter, then that's why, but it doens't leave a satisfying ending at all.

it's got potential, though, like mad. i'm excited to see where it goes next, :)

This was really sad. I feel so bad for her little, naiive self, expecring her dad to come back. But I think Dallas was a total sweetheart, trying to cheer up his little sister. It shows that her whole family isnt screwed up.

But I think this kind of gives an idea to what she deals with now. People leaving, and staying away? I dint know, but its off to a pretty good start, and I see a lot of potential in it! :)

I think you should most definitely continue it. :) It was sad and kind of heartbreaking but was well written and definitely worth more comments than you have! <3

There were a couple minor errors that I noticed. You can click f3 on your keyboard when you're on the story page, to find them quicker:

The light from room spilled into the hallway, illuminated just a small sliver.
This sentence would sound better with a few adjustments: The light from the room spilled into the hallway, illuminating just a small sliver.

My watched confused as my father continued down the hallway,
Change "My watched" to "I watched"

It was quite for a bit, before I heard footsteps coming up the stairs,
Change "quite" to "quiet".

“Dallas, don’t be said. Daddy’s going to come back.”
Change "said" to "sad."

And yeah, really nice start. <33 (:

It's brilliant and amazingly written XD