2 Girls, 1 Love : An up-to-date love case - Comments

As a first story, i think you're off to a good start. Your writing is good, but as you continue to write you will improve. As far as formatting the story, i think that is something you should consider. Formatting helps readers read the story easier and can really help the reader understand what you're trying to convey. I've only read a couple chapters, but you are good at character development. Keep up the good job! And continue to write! Practice makes perfect!

The beginning moves a bit quick. The point of views so far are good and are coming together – I just feel the love at first sight concept moved way too quickly, but on a positive factor you have good descriptions and it paints a really lovely picture to the different points of views, as well as a nice set up. So you’re doing a good job there – but try to add more details, make it slow down a little. If you do that you’ll be good to go. You have good character development, but like I said just slow it down a little and you’re good. Keep it up!

Hi, I'm from the Comment Swap!
First off, I LOVE stories that are told in more than one point of view.
I've only read a couple chapters so far, but I like this story quite a lot. Dustin is a freaking douche, so I guess that means you did a good job developing characters, even the antagonists, which isn't easy.

The only thing I think you should improve on is spacing, and grammar. After someone says something, start a new line and then have the next person speak. It makes it much easier to read.

So far, so good! Good luck! :D

I found that I often got confused between the POVs, but that may just be due to the fact that I prefer stories only told from one perspective.

I feel like this story has a slow start. There's not enough excitement, in my opinion. Maybe you could add a little more detail in the first few chapters to spice it up a bit?

There was also the spacing problem and a few grammatical mistakes here and there. I suggest getting someone else to help proofread, as I know it can be hard to catch your own mistakes.

I wish you the best of luck with this!

So I like the relationship between Dexter and Scarlett, they seem really close. Dustin's a douche so I already don't like him, mission accomplished :). And it would be awesome if more detail and just content in general were included. The chapters seem too short. And about the paragraphs, it just looks better and it's harder to read a story if it's just one big block of words. But I didn't see anything too bad in your story like that :). Keep working on it!

Oh, and please remember this is my first story. Thanks for all the advice guys

About the paragraphs...I had no idea, and will change that too, although I don't understand why a story would be reported just by not having enough paragraphs.

I'm really sorry to hear that. The relation between Zac and Dexter with Scarlett's relationship is that he is her brother (Dexter), and is very protective towards her, that's why he doesn't like Scarlett's boyfriend. Zac and Dexter and the perfect gay couple who decides to help Scarlett to find her way into a gay affair far more satisfatory than the hetero romance Scarlett has with a total douche. I am very sorry that that was not clear enough in the story. I will re-write the whole thing as soon as I can.

This piece confused me quite a bit. I found that the dialogue confused me the most, as I had a difficulty differentiating between characters.

:T I didn't see a lot of detail in this story as well, which I would've really liked to read. Details can make or break a story.

Remember to break your dialogue and throw in some detail. (: Those are really the major flaws in this piece, otherwise, I thought it was pretty interesting. I don't generally read this genre (slash, right? Dx), so it was an interesting look into it.

^.^ Good luck with all your writing endeavors! With practice comes growth, for sure.

This story is pretty good so far, but I did find a couple flaws. First off, your paragraphs aren't considered paragraphs on Mibba. To make a paragraph, you have to hit the Enter bar twice. Otherwise, the story will get reported. Second, I felt that the story itself is confusing and not incredibly detailed. For example, what do Zack and Dexter have to do with Scarlett and Liza's romance? What about Scarlett's body is hot (referring back to chapter nineteen)? It's little things like that that make a huge difference. -A

Scarlett is falling for a girl indeed

I'm sorry If something in the story made you confused ,but I'd like you to specify which exact part you're talking about

I love the story so far but I'm quite confused cus I thought scarlet was falling for a girl but in one of your chapters can't fully remember exactly but it just after they meet for a second time and have amazing sex which I also think you could of conveyed in a different way for example it seemed to happen so fast n seemed rushed maybe writers block and wanting to just get that scene over with I'm not fully sure but it's good, but I've read a lot of lesbian stuff and it seems to get more rating when you take your time and express there feelings an more discription and some of the scene also another pointer maybe that when the characters are in speech that you separate it because it seems to close fr example "hi"
"hello"
"how are you this fine summers day"
Something like that so that us as the readers know who is now speaking instead of trying to see the speech marks but other than that I think brilliant plot and everything but practise makes perfect and it's better for my honest opinion and you to improve as a writer than just boost your ego but need any tips feel free to message me or what not :) don't worry I'm subscribed also :) x

This is a really good story. And i love all of the characters. This story goes together perfectly. Keep on going!

Obrigada Catarina , espero que sim :D

Hey é a Catarina.... Que fixe, estás a escrever uma história bem moderna e com uma introdução fascinante. Só espero que tenhas sorte em publicá-la.

Um abraço

like it<3 waiting for more(: update soon :D

i could die*..man:|..it's something wrong with me..

aww:D I have a brother too. I love him very much. I could for him. He's always here for me. He's my universe <3.

like it* :D.