I know absolutely nothing about Kingdom Hearts, but your writing style is amazing and makes me want to read this story anyway. I LOVE the layout. It's beautiful and cute, but its completely readable at the same time. and the colors are all mostly the same tone and work together perfectly. I agree with ^^^ that line is so powerful. I love, also, how your chapters aren't too short, nor are they too short. and the paragraphs are broken up right so its not all one huge block of text. Even though I know nothing about the characters and stuff, you make me feel like I do by your writing. overall, great story so far. :)
I don't know Kingdom of Hearts, but by what I've seen so far, I don't need to :) I absolutely love the prologue, its extremely intriguing and the description is absolutely beautiful, I literally love your writing. And as he disappeared from my grasp, a scream echoed through the endless darkness. I love this line it's so powerful! The beautiful writing obviously carries on into the next two chapters, and I love how in chapter one, she wakes up in a room she's never been in before with and her hair's been cut off :3 So overall, amazing. I'm subscribing because I want to find out what happens and this is absolutely beautiful, well done!
Demyx <3 One of the few OXIII members I remember, and like. <33 Although his laziness beasts even my grandmothers.... >,> Now I want to do a KH fanfic XD
Oh, would your characters real name be Earl or Rale? Because you know... Lea>Axel, Sora>Roxas, Isa>Saix, Ansem>Xemnas.
They're all names of the originls, jumbled up, with an X thrown in...
I liked it. The first chapter kind of made me think that it was about a make out romance. But the second one changed my mind! Oh did it!
I love the creative sense of the character in the black hood. When I read blonde hair and it got chopped up it reminded me of the movie. "I know what you did last summer"
But other than that I think you nailed the idea of someone begin put out of their element.
About the Layout. For the other one Behind the mask I like it alto. You made me confused! I thought it was a story XD I was clicking like a mad woman all over the page rofl.
I like the picture! It looks very alluring the guys neck and gives an air of mystery.
mmm nice one
[ Responding to your comment swap on your journal entry]
Raxle's frustration and confusion shows really well in this chapter and Saix's cold attitude towards her definitely reminds me of him from the games. LOL.
You did a really great job of writing this second chapter, Kudos to you for not breaking character when you wrote this. :)
OMG! You totally made my day! Sorry for the late comment. </3
But anywho, I love the simple lay out you have going on and the popsicle you have as the banner. I'm not gonna lie, it makes me want one now. ;3
Despite it being so short, this chapter displayed a lot of emotion and I can definitely picture Axel comforting the girl he loves. He's just a big sweet heart.
I hope you add another chapter soon. :) I am subbing.
The prologue was short, but it really hooked me into the story. I love your description and eeriess of your dialogue. Although, maybe a little less "..." in between words would've been better? I'm just being picky because only to me did it sound odd.
Also, this sentence is a bit awkward: His cloudy emerald eyes stared pained at my tear-streaked cheeks,
I think it should be more like this: His cloudy emerald eyes stared at my tear-streaked cheeks,
Putting the word "pained" makes it sound awkward and wordy. XD of course, wordy is good, but you know what I mean.
I like this first chapter and can't wait for more :) seriously.