This is quite a weird beginning, and, to be honest, I found the scene you started it with to be rather uncomfortable. I don't really know these characters at all, and so that's a strange, personal and sort of gross place to be taking me as soon as I'm introduced to them. I think it's going to be a bit of a turn-off for a lot readers.
That said, I also think that's unfortunate, because you are a very good writer, especially for your age. You're not too verbose, nor do you just thoughtlessly rattle off a sequence of events. You are at all points clear and readable.
That said, I also think that's unfortunate, because you are a very good writer, especially for your age. You're not too verbose, nor do you just thoughtlessly rattle off a sequence of events. You are at all points clear and readable.
The first chapter is just really odd.