So, here I am to read your story, and I must say, it has a lot of potential, for sure. I mean, with character interactions and conflicts that could happen -- it has a lot of potential and you should never give up on a story. (:
But I found a major pet peeve of mine in your story. You insist on telling us everything in the first chapter -- I mean, does it matter that she lives in Michigan? Will the setting impact the story at all? If not, that's something you can leave out for a fun fact. Anything dealing with Michigan or Detroit gives me such bad anxiety. DX
Along with her appearance -- I can understand the research about the stone being important, but maybe she should tell her friends instead of talking to herself, or just generally think it over and not go off on random tangents? The story has potential, it just needs some editing, hah-hah!
Nice cliff hanger at the end, it really makes someone want to read more, you know? I think some editing would do this story some good -- don't try to cram so much information at a reader at once, that can be a bit of a turn off. In any case, good luck and happy writings! (:
But I found a major pet peeve of mine in your story. You insist on telling us everything in the first chapter -- I mean, does it matter that she lives in Michigan? Will the setting impact the story at all? If not, that's something you can leave out for a fun fact. Anything dealing with Michigan or Detroit gives me such bad anxiety. DX
Along with her appearance -- I can understand the research about the stone being important, but maybe she should tell her friends instead of talking to herself, or just generally think it over and not go off on random tangents? The story has potential, it just needs some editing, hah-hah!
Nice cliff hanger at the end, it really makes someone want to read more, you know? I think some editing would do this story some good -- don't try to cram so much information at a reader at once, that can be a bit of a turn off. In any case, good luck and happy writings! (: