Birth of a Player - Comments

I really like this, I agree with daninatt11 when I read this it was a little hard to make out some words. But I thought it was really good. I really hope that you make this into an actual story :D

One thing you could improve on, I love the pattern on the layout, but it kinda' clashes with the text colour, maybe it's just me, but I thought I'de put that out there.

I love how as I read the story, you described perfectly the feeling of heartbreak a person experiences, in Elijah, moments like that can bring readers to feel as the characters do.

Nice work! (:

and when I say "Elijah was just too perfect" I mean it in a good way. I love the character.

I enjoyed this. Sydney seemed horrible, and Elijah was just too perfect. I could perfectly picture everything in my head from your words, which is always nice. I didn't see any mistakes at all. Good job!