It was an interesting story, and I could definitely see the link to the picture. I really liked the way each paragraph alternated between the two characters so that the focus was constantly changing - it was quite an unusual idea, but I think it worked well in this sort of story. It added to the tension and the drama. I also liked the little additions of background information about the characters, and about what had happened between them. There seemed to be quite a few punctuation and grammatical errors, mostly to do with commas and full stops, which sometimes meant that I had to re-read a few of the sentences to try and understand what was being said. Also, I thought that the ending, though it was in some ways very effective, was a little bit rushed. Rather than saying 'she lost it' about both the girls, I think a little bit more description was needed, especially with the build up of tension throughout the first part of the story. Overall, a good entry. :)
It was an interesting story, and I could definitely see the link to the picture. I really liked the way each paragraph alternated between the two characters so that the focus was constantly changing - it was quite an unusual idea, but I think it worked well in this sort of story. It added to the tension and the drama. I also liked the little additions of background information about the characters, and about what had happened between them.
There seemed to be quite a few punctuation and grammatical errors, mostly to do with commas and full stops, which sometimes meant that I had to re-read a few of the sentences to try and understand what was being said. Also, I thought that the ending, though it was in some ways very effective, was a little bit rushed. Rather than saying 'she lost it' about both the girls, I think a little bit more description was needed, especially with the build up of tension throughout the first part of the story. Overall, a good entry. :)