Part I : R is for Ryan. V is for Vampire. - Comments

Okay, so for the purpose of constructive criticism:

I know you changed the layout (and it is so much better looking than what it was) but it's still just the slightest bit difficult to read, especially the summary (which was really good, by the way). If you would consider maybe a solid background under the text it would be easier to read?

As for the main character, If I'm going to be brutally honest, I forgot Ryan was a guy. His personality just reminded me of a 13 year old girl. He was really awkward around people kissing around him or talking to members of the opposite sex. I just thought that was weird because it was pointed out at least twice that a lot of girls liked/wanted him, and he has had a girlfriend, do many 16 year old guys (vampires?) act that shy?

Also, he says that he grew up in the Amazon (to which I was like, "Oh, that's really cool, tell me more!") but right now he's in suburbia? And it seemed like he had just moved there, so, okay, but then why is his best friend Dimitri with him? And how did he get a girlfriend, Evangeline (pretty name, by the way) in the Amazon? Probably it was just me missing something, or not reading far enough along, but I was just confused. Hopefully it'll be cleared up in the later chapters (I'm only on two or three).

The thing that distracted me the most about reading it though, was that there were a lot of grammatical errors--a few are acceptable, if not predicted, but there was just an abundance of mistakes. I don't mean to be cruel, but, maybe before submitting the part two, you might want to just edit this for spelling/punctuation a bit. I'm sorry. :(

For the most part, I thought it was okay. The newer summary sounded really great, it was intriguing, and if it was any indication of your writing ability, this story could be brilliant if just a few things could be improved upon. Like Alexander Bernadotte said, it has so much potential. A beta is a great idea. But all in all, I do like the story so far.

The layout made this story almost impossible to read, so I had to use the default layout option. Sorry :/ Also, I couldn't really keep up with this. It seemed to skip around a lot and the main character confused me. The content of the story itself was interesting, but like I said, I either didn't understand what was going on the entire time or what the character was doing and there were a lot of grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors. Sorry, but stuff like that really deters readers from stories. I suggest getting a beta for it, as this is a good idea that has massive potential, but needs a lot of work. I wish you luck with this!

Is sounds good so far, pretty interesting. Just one thing-the picture in the background makes it really difficult to read!

My page is so lonley, oh the lonesome.... waiting for someone to comment....

:)