Grammar and style- I think you need to work on you commas. There are tons of places where you missed them and it would make your story a lot easier to read if you added them in the right places. I also would've liked to see you use other literary devices instead of saying flashbacks and Jaxen's pov. It would make your story look a lot more professional. You also had a couple spelling errors so I would suggest running your story through a word processor to catch those errors.
July 3rd, 2012 at 01:55am
