Phoenix - Comments

Hah, its just them wearing black. I dunno, I made them wear what I would wear. They kind of need to be sneaky...so black works.
I like the hawk too. He was an unplanned character, but I can so see him fitting into the rest of the story and the sequels.
And, this is legit, a fortuneteller told me the same exact thing two years ago. Clearly I'm still alive.
:3 but you'll have to see with this story.

Bad fortune teller lady! You better be telling lies! Phoenix can't die! Jazz just noticed that she is hot! That was what the gasp was for, right. Better have been. Anyways, I really love her hawk. ^-^ He is so cute and helpful. Hm, all black clothing in a post apocalypse world with a burnt ozone and polluted air. Odd, but okay. I really love your story and hope the updates come quick! :)

Story is still going strong and liking every chapter , this is the last story And only story I read before I go to sleep at 3:55 AM :p

Only problem I had was jazz saying "shit" , it's just sad that even after an apocolypse people are still using these words in a way they went meant for

Omigosh! A hawk! That is so epic, I love this story even more now. Reminds me of the messenger hawk Saka had, but I can tell this one will be much more useful. ^-^

I like your layout! Why don't people like it? Ugh, whatever. I personally did not see a ton of really noticeable errors and it is still readable so who cares about a few, it isn't like this is a book being sold... yet. I think Pheonix has feelings for Jazz. I think she wasn't only missing his warmth, but him in general. :3

Actually, this story is primarily for another site, where characters have to be based off actresses and actors. Since I'm entering it in a contest on the other site, I decided to go with actors and actresses like that site uses. I will go through and fix any spelling errors I see.
And about the spell check thing, I use spell check on word when I write them, the spell check here irritates me, because it tells me words I've been using my whole life are not words.
I'm sorry it made you cry, it was not my intention. In fact, chapters after chapter nine are far less depressing.

I read a little past Chapter five for our swap.

Now about the characters. They are from movies. Evan is Jake from that Hannah Montana show. The "ring master" is the guy from sereval movies I watched. And the other two are actors.

When your picking characters you have to try to make them not from movies or famous.

You have some errors, of spelling like you wrote stoop instead of stop.
This is quite a sad story. A person with a heart cannot read it it's hard. But it's nice.

It holds the reader in your writing but I didn't like the layout, it was okay. I really thought the thrid guard and Nix was going to have a love story XD

Hahaha maybe it's just me. So proof read your writing. Alto of users on here are snarky and mean about it. Grammar Nazi's.
I'm not really going to go all Nazi on you because that's not me. I won't bash you for a couple of errors. Writing is writing.

Now if you posted your chapters after you did the spell checker on the top left corner I think it would help.

All in all made me cry. I know... I'm a loser.

So I thought the summary was really interesting. I admit the layout doesn't appeal to me but it's the writing that counts, and I can tell by the summary you are an accomplished writer :3

I think you manage to maintain a feeling of suspense throughout the whole story, and it's rather well written >.< Also your style is interesting and holds the readers attention to the end.

Your writing flows really well, and the chapters are face paced and keep the readers attention. I've only read up to chapter three, but I'll definitely be reading more!

Yay for escaping! :)

Only two people commenting, people don't know what their missing :p

Story keeps getting more and more interesting. Not sure if you haven't covered this in any of the past chapters but I would really like to know how guard number three looks like so maybe add a characters tab with this kind of information on the characters. ( like facial features and things of that sort, my imagination is great but this isn't my story it's yours so I'd like to see what your seeing ) :)

That's about all I have to say for now, good luck on the rest

Gosh, so happy to hear that you can go and forget about us. -_-

Wow, this a really awesome story. I love, so update soon? :)

Very nice story , The mutations seem to be very minimol since you say there's a kid with a tail or the girl with the pig nose but the main character has better hearing and strength also since she can over power a grown man. Also interesting that all the mutations are animalistic. Guard number 3 seems like a possible solution for some human mutant love? ;) Her mutation dosnt even seem like a mutation but evolution who wouldn't want wings? Right? Over all story has good potential and hopefully we get to read more in the near future.