Lover I Don't Have to Love - Comments

Song playing in the back of my mind while I'm reading this, and it works. I like it. Very well written.

Very well written, I couldn't agree more with the person under me with what he's spoken of, he got to it in nice depth and detail ,while I'm merely going to summarize.
the first chapter was very thrilling, I wasnt expecting it from the first layout, all honesty. I thought this was another one of those "Test Stories" to see where it went, but was surprised to such an extent my eyebrows raised. I can't really think what else to say, but I'll say this. Keep writing, I'd love to see where this heads off to.

J.C. Garland Weis

I really like your layout—it’s simple and not distracting which is what I love most. I kind of wish there was a banner just to kind of pull it together, but it’s not necessary.

I’m assuming what you’ve put for your summary is lyrics from a song (and I would definitely be interested in knowing which song). I love songfics, and I love using lyrics for the summary. I think it helps when a reader doesn’t know that song at all.

Chapter 1

I really like how you’ve also placed song lyrics at the beginning of the chapter as well, and then love it even more as to how you tied it into the story.

The way you described things is really well done too, and I applaud you on that. Sometimes you read something and the descriptions just seems overdone, or there isn’t enough. But I think you did it just right.

I’m not sure why, but I just loved the few really simple, short sentences you threw in there. For example, He’d spotted an angel and A boy of painted beauty. I don’t know, I just feel like they say a lot even though there’s not a lot there.

So far, the only problem I can find is when you describe the structure of the unnamed boy’s bones. I know there are not many other words you can use, but it just feels kind of repetitive when reading.

Chapter 2

I’m kind of digging this descriptive theme of death and defeat (and yes I said ‘digging’). The way you just describe everything like this and then the setting, along with what I’m only assuming Jayden’s intentions are, it almost seems like an undercurrent of the death of innocence… but I could just be pulling stuff out of my ass. Though, the fact that the still unnamed character is referred to as a boy gives that notion that he’s younger and possibly more innocent.

Fire to represent an uprising, fading at the roots to show a defeat. I really loved this line. Again, I think it says a lot.

Again, I applaud you on tying the song lyrics into the chapter. I really like how literal it is and that you don’t try to make it complicated or anything. It’s straightforward, like the lyrics.

Chapter 3

And now we get more of an insight of Jayden! The fact that when he looks at himself he just see’s so many flaws, while he sees the boy as someone who is perfect, and someone who can cherish him and make him feel special.

It gives a new insight into the reasoning behind wanting to hook up and probably have a one night stand with someone you don’t really know. I really like that.

Chapter 4

Oh wow! What a twist—Jayden is married, has a wife. I love this. I just love twists… I’m a total sucker for them. I really like that he tries to stop, yet is pulled back in so easily.

And again, I really just love your descriptions. They’re not awkward, or over the top.

Overall

I really like this. You’ve really pulled me in, and I think I’m going to subscribe so I can see where this goes, because I am really curious. I think you’ve done a great job with this so far!

There’s not much dialogue so far, so I can’t say much about that, but the little dialogue there is, is good. It doesn’t feel forced or awkward.

Can’t wait to read more and see where this goes!

Comment swap sent me here;;
I'm not a big fan of slash, but this, this my dear, was absolutely splendid! You used great description and I was very impressed. I don't recall any errors, spelling wise. Keep it up, butter cup! :D

enchanting. i absolutely love it. more?

I haven't heard the song yet, but this is written beautifully, it makes me want to be better
The various ways you phrase things are absolutely lovely

iiii reallyreallylikethisawholebunchyoushouldupdateasap!!

This is really beautifully written. I love it so much.

I don't know the song but the story's good. Write more?

I like it lots!! Plz update soon!!!

I love this. I love the song. I love Bright Eyes.

Ohmygoshhhh why isn't there more?!

3 Words from your favourite red headed stalker.

I LOVE IT.

That is all....

<3

This story is brilliant so far and the song, oh that song!
I could hear Conor singing those words
I'm looking forward to reading more :)

Your writing is spectacular. :)
The words you chose really brought the imagery alive.
I was picturing everything in my head perfectly!
The concept is starting very nicely too. Can't wait to see the rest unfold.
All in all, quite lovely.