Shy Wanted Love - Comments

I wish more people shipped them D:

Cute story :) I hope you update it soon!

Thank you for the tips

~Writing pointers :D~

Your chapters have very few spaces. It makes them seem, longer, which is good, but it also looks sloppy and unorganized. Every piece of dialogue should start a new paragraph. Like so:

"Are you going to the movies after school?" I asked my friend.

"Yeah, I've been waiting all week to see the movie!" she replied happily.
--
The actual content is very well. I enjoy reading this story. But most sentences start with a name, which isn't exactly necessary, and mean that most sentences are just actions.

For the beginning of sentences, you can use pronouns, like he or she. But remember that the pronoun you use will be describing the last proper noun with corresponding gender and number.

As for the actions, try using more adverbs and adjectives. Also, try describing the character's emotions and thoughts more often. It can be a little harder in third person, such as parts of your story, than with first person. The Harry Potter series is a good example of how to explain feelings and thoughts with third person.

Although, that more or less focuses on one character. Your story, though, kind of switches point of views a lot. That's not bad, because generally, fanfictions do that. But your story does sometimes switch from third person to first person, which isn't as common. Not bad, just not common.

I think that's all for now! :)
Please don't take this advice in any a harsh way, because that is not how I meant to present it at all.
Your writing shows a lot of potential and I love this story!
Keep writing! :)

I'm liking it so far! :) It's really cute! :D
To me, you seem to have their personailities pretty close to what I think they're like (like with Tony actually being evil and a tease :P hahaha)
I'd love to see what happens next! :)