Breathe For Me - Comments

i really enjoy this! the mail order bride thing is such a twist! update soon! <3

This story was awesome, I'm excited for the sequel :)

Aww this is so cute c:

EEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKK. I just found this, and I love it. seriously. Oli's accent is fine. It's the story line that matters the most anyway and that my dear is excellent. Please update soon?

They're so cute. :)

Aww they made up (:

I can't wait to read what happens next (:

I like this one (:
Waiting eagerly for an update haha

:)

can't wait for more (:

Oh my gosh!
So I read "It beats for two." And I didn't realize you were the same author!
But I love this story, amazing update <3

I didn't think this was shit, it was short but really cute; their first kiss :)

Verrrrrry good story

I really like this story(:

I really like this, it's awesome. I can't wait for more (:

Huzzah, an update :D
I'm so impatient. But I really like that they're getting to like one another.

Now that I think about it, I do agree with the person above me. It's your story, true, but reading a typed accent is rather off-putting. Some British slang and a few words to emphasize the fact he has an accent would be better, not almost every single thing he says. I just can't imagine Oli's actual voice when I read it.

Other than that, I love this and really look forward to the next update.
:D

Chapter One
local tattoo shop, as the front desk manager. - you don't need that comma in there. :)

She screeched from her spot on the - lower case 's'

I'm sure I've never made. - I'd - keep the tense

"A WHAT?! WHY WOULD YOU PUT ME ON THERE?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!" - don't capitalize text like that. If you want emphasis, use italics. And, also, use either the exclamation mark or the question mark, not both.

Tyler. our - comma

then a water from the fridge, - water bottle?

For a first chapter, I like that you introduce the mail order bride website, and I like that it presents possible future conflict with future characters. :) I also like how the flat mates are convinced that it's just a game, not meant to be taken too seriously, but just to help her out with her love life. :)

Chapter Two
It's been two - It had

haven't had a response - hadn't

He was cute. - lower case 'h'

shirt. and on his hands, from - comma

I've never heard of them. - I'd

"DINNER!" - don't need to capitalize

Marley sat down a plate - set

Something must be wrong. - must have

napkin secretly, when she wasn't looking - you don't any punctuation there.

Chapter Three
Noelle?" He questioned, - lower case 'h'

since I've only known - I'd

pulling to him to the bed and - you don't need the first 'to' in there.

but i ignored it - capital 'I'

considering I barely listen that type - listened

One of the guys siad. - lower case 'o'

Just one point of criticism: it makes it incredibly hard to read Oli's accent when you type up how it sounds. I skip it, because it's just not that great to read - and I've seen it so often in stories on Mibba. If you want to use his accent in the dialogue, use it with simple words so readers know that it's not read in a common accent. And then, just keep reinforcing how strong his accent is compared to hers. It's just really off-putting. :/

Other than that, I like the idea of the mail order bride, and how it's bringing the two together and that it wasn't a complete disaster of the idea. :) I also like that it brings her out of a comfort zone and forces her to depend on Oli, so it then creates a sort of conflict. :)

Just watch your tense, punctuation and don't over-do Oli's accent. It's dialogue, it's not really meant to fully show accents at all.

I liked it, i'm excited to see how Oli and Noelle interact when they're alone.

Okay, I know I just commented yesterday, but your updates are so good I can't help myself.

My only problem is whenever people write BMTH fics with the accents written in, I read them in this horribly cliche cockney accent in my head. That's my problem though lol. Keep up the good writing :)

This is the first Oli story that really interested me. Please make more. [: