Evelyn In Wonderland - Comments

i liked this and i wasn't sure that i would. i mean i really enjoy your writing but i'm a BIG fan of wonderland/through the looking glass.

i really like the different style here too, it reads really nicely, like an very slightly modernised caroll. i disagree with the commenter underneath me, i don't think it's dry, i think it's crisp. and it works well. <3

I don't really like Wonderland style of stories.
I would've wanted to feel the innocence of a child's but even though it does come out from the words, I don't actually believe it as a reader.
Considering the other stuff you have, this seems kind of dry. I can't deny it's written quite well, but it doesn't appeal to me for unknown reasons. Maybe it's a bit too simplistic when I look more for complexity.
From just a neutral reader's view it's good though. Like said by another commentor, the dialogue is good which sadly quite many authors seem to struggle with. And it goes on well and doesn't seem to have 'empty holes' which would need filling and make the story incomplete. That's always good.

I love it!

It's great stuff, and I'm interested and confused. (:

I'm not a fan of the blue background. Maybe a little darker would be nice. I'm not a fan of the font choice either.

The dialog is very well written. I really like the whole idea that a tunnel led her to Wonderland, which her shadow took her too. It's very whimsical.

The Island:
her shadow shook it’s head - its head.
and about a metre away - meter

The Trio:
"I shall go back to the beach and wait until morning," thought Evelyn "Who knows what creatures could be in this wood." - In my opinion I think the quotations should be taken out and the thoughts should just be italicized.

At some parts of the story, she seems very naïve but in other parts she seems not so naïve…I like that sometimes.

This is very sweet. The whole thing is lovely. Very good so far.

The dialog and the way Evelyn acts is quite interesting. To improve on this, I believe adding more setting details and description would give me a clearer image.

Also, this idea is really unique and intriguing. I love the shadow and how it has its own personality and does its own thing. It makes the story all the more fun to read.

I see no grammar, spelling or punctuation mistakes, so great job on that :) I love the story so far and will continue to read the other chapters after finishing up other business.

:D I like it. It's really quite lovely, and the characters are interesting. :D Fabulous job. You should update, I'd like to see whats next.

I rather like this! Evelyn is a very sweet, likable character and the narrative is innocent and a refreshing change from most other Mibba stories. You're missing some commas, but it doesn't really take away from the story much. Hrm... What else? Well, I really can't wait to see what happens next because this is lovely and imaginative and positively entertaining. :3