Call It Love, Call It Fear - Comments

First off, I believe the layout fits nicely. Not everything has to be fancy.
secondly, I can't watch the video until I get to an actual laptop.
thirdly, I am shocked. This story is beyond incredible. The suspense, details, flowing words, and amazing plot just brings it all together.

I am definitely subscribing!

I really liked this! The first part was indescribably interesting and I couldn't bear to tear myself away from the screen until I finished it. Destrey is a highly interesting and tantalizing character. I love the air of suspense and mystery that's flowing around him. He's definitely my favorite character in this. I also like how you said his eyes would look black to a human, but blood red to another vampire. I thought that that was really neat. Kind of like a way to identify each other. Regardless, this was a really great first chapter!

Ronnie never has dreams, only nightmares. Though obsessed with the macabre, she hates death. It surrounds her. Everyone close to her has died. And now she feels as though she is being watched.

This is a good summary. Nice and clear and concise, and it gives some shape to your character.

I also like some of your creative details, like this one:

[iHe knew his eyes would be black to any human, though to another vampire, they would appear blood red.

Mostly, this is quite good. It's not exactly my kind of thing, but I can tell that you put effort into writing it, and it's very smooth. There weren't many things I would change, but just occasionally you could refine your sentence structure to make it flow better. For example:

Soon the flow of blood slowed, proportionate to the slowing heartbeat of the girl.

Proportionate to the slowing of her heartbeat, perhaps?

Anyway, this was overall pretty good. The only other thing I might consider is splitting up the first chapter into two, as there is an obvious break there.

Well done!

Okay.

I'll say though, That you could place words better.
For example you said.
The word 'said'.

You could of did.
Example:

"I don't know", Her voice shook with anixety.

It rings better.

It seems well, you could of made the vampire part way more graphic and eeire. I think you need to fix your words though. Like MAKE THEM COLORFUL! You know?

It helps tons.
Maybe it's just me, since I'm a poet. But I go bat shit crazy with word play.

I think that it should be more eeire and quick paced. It was okay. The part with the dream and how Destery (Is that from Des and Nate?) is okay.

All in all. It wasn't eye catching or stunning. It needs work.
But I think you worked hard. And I don't want to bash. I think that you have decent grammar. And you just need to work in some colorful lanuage there.

I love it so far! I watched the trailer for it too, and the whole story is just some compelling. I'm subbing and can't wait for more!

Yay first comment(: I really like where this story is going, and I very much enjoy your writing style(: kinda upset he killed her best friend bbbuuttt, I could see how you felt the need to do that(: Anyways hope your updates won't be as slow as you anticipate, I'll be looking forward to see where this goes...it shows a lot of promise(: