July 23rd, 2019 at 05:18am
Well, I’m not really an All Time Low fan but this is what Comment Swap is all about: finding and reading stories that you otherwise wouldn’t read. One thing that you should definitely do is split up your paragraphs. By common paragraph laws LOL a new paragraph should start after every new person starts speaking or every time there is a new thought. Another thing that you must pay attention to is spelling and grammar. There are quite a few in the first couple of chapters such as: ”forced to buy it for her stupid brothers birthday.” Brothers should be brother’s because it’s a possessive noun.
There are a few errors in dialogue as well. “Hey cutie” I say picking her up should be “Hey cutie,” I say picking her up. You should always put a comma after a statement in dialogue, unless it’s a question in which case you put the appropriate question mark or exclamation point.
There are a few other errors, and if you would like I could share them with you. Just send me a PM or something. (: Overall, I think that you do have an interesting plot, but it’s just very hard to read it due to the mistakes that the story has.
Also not really an All Time Low fan but Mibba gave me your story so I can’t complain. So here it goes.
The dialogue and paragraph errors were a major factor in me continuing in reading the story. The grammar was also an issue for me. As they say, proper grammar goes a long way. I was interested for a little bit but the more errors I noticed, the more it bothered me and I didn’t make it pass the second chapter. Sorry. Then again, as I said earlier, I’m not a fan of this band.
Granted this story seems to be seven years old and there are other chapters that I just didn’t read due to my pickiness, it might have gotten better but the plot just wasn’t my taste. Please, don’t take it personal since Mibba and “comment swap” are the ones that gave me your story.