WRITE A SEQUEL. THIS STORY IS AMAAAAZING!!! I love Saria and Mikey. They're just perfect together! The whole I was basis screaming at Saria to except being a fertile, AND NOW SHE HAS :D I also love what you've done with some bands being Dom bands... But probably my favorite thing is the whole 'fertile best friend' thingo Frank and Saria have. IT'S ADORABLE. Please write a sequel. We want some more sexy stuff ;) ;)
I think the whole emo style and explaining what they're wearing is over used. You also have grammar errors and switch POV too much. You need to explain more about how Sarria refuses to believe she's a fertile 'cause otherwise it just makes her sound stupid, like she can't put 2 and 2 together. But, other than that, I like it :D