Roadtrip With Aftermaths - Comments

I agree with Haylie Jaed. Its a good story itself but you just need some editing.

I like where you're going with this so far and I can see that's it's going to lead to a good story.

However a few things and they are the same as Haylie Jaed regarding paragraphs and dialogue not being all in one line. Once they are fixed I can't see there being a problem with layout and will make it easier to read.

Can't wait for you to update and let the story begin :-)

You have an interesting start here, and I can see that it could lead to one hell of a story!

A few things I would suggest. First, spaces between the paragraphs. It makes things a whole lot easier on the eyes - people are more inclined to read something if their eyes are going to get that break at the end of every paragraph. Same with the dialogue. It shouldn't all be in one line.

Hope to see some interesting plot developments. =) Good luck!

xoxo
HJ.

You write really good! :- )
Unfortunately this isn't my kind of story :/ But I liked it nevertheless! :D