May 27th, 2017 at 11:00am
I like the tone of this piece, it begins very solemn and poetic. I really liked the metaphor of the sun, then the comparison of night with the shaded by a mask of insecurities and darkness. I think the way of referring to the couple and the relationship through various forms of light, like the sun and spark, is a really good metaphor as relationships can burn out quickly.
I don’t think it’s meant to say us insignificant, or maybe it’s just me being silly and not making any sense of that sentence. I can feel the strong powerful emotions in this piece, the narrators lust, jealousy and anguish towards the story’s subject, but I like how you’ve left everything open - whether he liked someone else, someone else liked him and there was the fear of cheating, or that he cheated. You have such beautiful descriptions despite the quite emotional side to the piece but I think they work well. Your flow is brilliant and I didn’t see any grammar issues. Good job.
they say love is the most painful thing you can experience, but as i sit here looking for hte person i once knew to emerge from this empty shell...i wonder.
you bring a very elegant & classy pull of love & heartbreak together in this piece. your sentences are burdened w/ powerful comparisons & metaphors, both of which pull @ our inner heartstrings & related experiences. this deserves so much more praise than my simple comment can give.