Silver Ring - Comments

Comment swap!
I really like all of your detail, especially this passage:
"His hand was so soft against my skin sending waves all over my body. My heart was beating so loudly I thought it would burst out of my chest, I even thought he might have been able to hear it and a blush made its way to my face."

I just wish the chapters were a little longer. It leaves me wanting more. Nicely done, though.

I really enjoyed this story!! It was quick, sweet, and wasn't overloaded with a bunch of romantic details. I felt like I was silver for a moment when I was reading this! I love being drawn into the story. I love your writing style, i don't think there is anything wrong whatsoever about it!

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Comment swap always brings me to your stories, and I feel like I always say the same thing.

The layout isn't personally my style, but whatever floats your boat.

Overall I think this is cute. I mean, it is a little fast-paced for a one-shot, but hey, you got the job done I guess. The only thing I could really suggest would be to proofread things before you post them, because there were a few minor errors.

comment swap brought me here.

1). The layout is a bit much. Very in your face-ish in an overbearing manner. Perhaps a smaller banner and a change in text color would be more appropriate.

2). Grammatically, this has mistakes. If you reread it, I'm sure you'd notice it. Nothing horrifying, just tiny mistakes that take away from the flow of the story. Esp at the end.

3). The pacing was odd and her acceptance of him seemed like she was giving in because she had no real choice. She said she had no one else, but that doesn't seem like a legitimate she ought to have been more resilient.

However, this is your story and you know it better than anyone ever will. So, the changes are all up to you.

From Comment Swap~

Alright, so I happen to agree with blackenedrose when she says that the banner is a bit too much. It’s far too big and unnecessary; I think a smaller banner would work much better, or you could ever size this down to a smaller scale. The orange font was nice, but it really hurt my eyes. Bright font against a dark background often (kind of) kills the vibe of the entire story. I suggest changing the layout so that the background is white or a light-color and the font is black. It would work much, much better.

Also, another problem I had with the story is that it was just too quick. I would think that Silver would be hesitant after he asks her to forgive him, but she outright forgives him anyways, even though he slapped her and took the ring. Maybe they could regain each other’s trust after a little while, not so quickly. I think adding this little bit to the story will give it some oomph.

Overall, this was a nice read and I enjoyed it. Great job! <3

Cute cute cute cute cuuuuute c: I loved how Silver's emotions gradually changed from the beginning to the end - even though it's a oneshot we still got to see changes in a character. I liked how Kyle was really sweet too. ugh this whole one shot is just cute LOL. I liked it C:

ME GUSTA!

I really liked it and thought it was cute.

I liked this story. I thought it was cute. I didn't really care that her name was Silver even though that's the title and the ring was silver. I just found it...a bit much. The same goes with the layout. A smaller banner would have been better. And also the orange against the black was very striking. Another thing is that I found she forgave him too quickly. I would have liked to see her be hesitant about the idea a bit more. He did slap her after all and took her ring. She was obviously upset about it. Maybe write some more about how he has to win back her trust? Just an idea. Overall, I would say it was cute, adorable, and enjoyable to read :)

continue with this girlie cause its really good

I enjoyed the story. It was really cute, but it could use a bit more detail. Other then that it was a smooth read and put a smile on my face.

This is really cute. I dont really like the layout though. The banner is a bit much. The name Silver is so unique. And I like the fact that her ring is silver and the main girls name is Silver.
Last I could say is keep writing and never let anybody ever tell you different.

The layout was kind of distracting, but the story was very sweet. I don't really like the name Silver but eh. I really liked how sweet it was though. It was nice, I think some description could be added to give it a better feeling and describe the emotions really clearly.

Ok I will not lie I'm not the biggest fan of the layout... orange on black is too striking to read, but other than that I liked it. I thought it was very cute and sweet. I like it. It made me smile.

Good luck for the contest, this one rocks!
And I'm in for the sequel too.

You see, everyone likes it.
So how about a sequel?
(>',')> Please...

Aw that was a sweet as story, very cute. i really enjoyed it
:D

beautiful. i really enjoyed it

Awwwww such a cutie pie~! I love your one-shot, it's so adorable~! Any girl would give to have a guy like him~! (Now I wish I was Silver :P) I hope you do well with this story ^^